Tag: Parenting

Regaining Emotional Clarity; Finding God in Plan B (Part 7)

Single working moms all know the feeling of dread as they walk out the door for work when all they want to do is enjoy spring break with their children.

You’ll hop onto social media after work has completely sapped your energy and see photos of other moms taking their kids to the zoo, mountains, or beach. It can’t help but sting just a little.

But I’m here to let you know that you’re not alone, and speak to you what God spoke to me–that I cannot always fill in the gaps, that I was not created to have that ability, and I needed to trust God to do what I could not do.

Struggling to fill in what only another can do can bring us to endless anxiety and stress. So to single moms—God never intended for you to be the perfect dad, to be able to do everything with the children that he could do, to give your children everything they would have with a faithful father.

God simply wants you to find Him in plan B, just as you are.

What does that look like?

1. Keep looking for ways to integrate good into the lives of your children, even if it might look different than it did in plan A.

This might look like having your little boy read chapters in the Bible while you head to work and big sister watches him. Maybe he can call or text you to tell you what he’s learned. (Gabb watches or phones are perfect, safe options for this type of thing!)

Satan wants us to throw in the towel and give up rather than look for alternatives. You can spit back at him a little by remaining undaunted and undeterred when it comes to bringing God’s word to your children. Rather than feeling the need to make sure your life looks a certain way, keeping making JESUS look a certain way to your children. And when you can, pull them onto the couch at night for some Bible reading and prayer. I truly believe that mothers are responsible to bring Jesus to their children in whatever way they are able!

2. Whenever possible, help your children push forward.

This might look like telling your teen that she can do it. The smile on my daughter’s face when she finished day one of orientation for a job that had her so freaked out she almost gave up, made it so worth it. I was so proud of her for driving through a storm hours away to join a team older than herself, learn software that was confusing and complicated to her, and push through in spite of her fear. Her words at the end of the day, “Mom, you helped me succeed. You didn’t let me fail.”

Fatherless children often face greater amounts of anxiety and fear as they grow up to be independent. Be there for them, support them, show them you believe in them. If need be, push them toward what they want to give up on. And if you have a resistant child, love him/her and keep speaking truth. Pray in faith and give your anxiety to God. Expect a war for your child, but know you are on the winning side as you align yourself with God’s character.

3. Reiterate this often: You are not a victim, I am not a victim, WE ARE NOT VICTIMS; WE ARE CONQUERORS.

Mothers, you can weep before your children without wavering in the fact that you are a conqueror. Be honest and real; let them see your true feelings from time to time. But then, get back up and do the next right thing. Sometimes, that’s all you can do. The day might be long and difficult, everyone might be exhausted and grumpy—but let them watch you push forward.

And the next morning, take the remote and turn on worship music as they get up. The sun will rise, a new day with new mercies.

4. Grow in grace with God and with people.

Shed your garbage. Say yes to God! When you feel the Spirit nudging you about gossip, over eating, impatience, self pity—you name it—we all know what things we need to shed. Saying yes to God clears your soul, and the rewards are far greater than the cost.

Recently I’ve sensed the presence of Jesus in me so powerfully it almost felt as if my heart was physically expanded. Goodness and grace flowed into my soul, and I realized as never before how faithful God is to single mothers. Our circumstances may not change, but putting Him first changes our hearts.

Out of our own powerful experiences with the God of heaven, we then have wisdom and authority to speak of Him to our children in tangible ways. What satan meant for evil is turned into good, and again, we spit back at hell just a little.

5. Don’t be afraid.

Hard experiences don’t have to make us hard. Accept what is so you can keep your heart soft for what will be. A soft heart is mold-able, pliable, and grace filled. Difficult things can lead us so close to the Divine because we are forced to run, run, run into His arms. There, we find that was the best place to be all along.

I want to say this to you again—don’t be afraid. Single moms have war to wage but in the process, they gain heaven.

On this side of eternity, I’m here for you–and you are not alone.

Mothering with Purpose-All About the Book Release

As before, throwing a book launch party this month had me terrified. I can write and speak, but marketing is another story.

(Yeah. There it is. You’ll probably never find me in multi-level marketing because the thought of trying to sell stuff sends me into a panic. I’d rather hug someone than try to convince them to buy something.)

But God was asking me to push through, trust Him, and do the thing. So I did, and He came through with all the right friends for all the help I needed. Amazing how we’re all good at different things and how wonderful it is to just be ourselves and do what we’re good at with rest and grace over it.

So here’s just a little spin on the new book:

Being a third born child in a family of ten children had me well acquainted with taking care of babies, and I entered the mothering world eagerly. There was little adjustment to having my own babies because I had helped my mother take care of my younger siblings for as long as I could remember.

I was going to do just what she did: home school, always be a stay at home mom, and be my daughters’ best friends even in their teen years.

I drove an old mini van so I could afford to be a stay at home mother. I home schooled, and did the whole bake-your-own-everything kind of lifestyle. And I loved my children like none other.

Then, my world fell apart. The years of doing everything “right” had to be replaced for a trust in the only One who is always right.

After years of turmoil, my husband had packed his bags, driven away, then pursued a romantic relationship with a sixteen year old girl only a year older than our daughter. There are no words for the turmoil this placed on my children, nor for the after math of devastation on all our lives.

I went to work and the children went to public school. They reeled, I struggled—but we survived, and we learned, and we knew that, though life can be altered by another, it can never be destroyed by another.

In the past three years I’ve told my children many times over, “No one can ruin your life except you. You have the strength to get back up and live a beautiful life.”

I had to hold them while they cried, face their deep hurt and anger when it erupted, and drive many hours to counseling sessions.

After a few years of struggle, I made a move from the west coast to the east, landing in the dead of night in a major airport with myself and the children to start life over in an area where we knew one other family, settled into a house we had never seen, and started searching google for maps to the closest schools and grocery stores. Covid- 19 hit right afterward, and the rest is history.

Along with my children, I struggled to survive until I was set free from the grief that would have destroyed me.

There, I learned all about Grace.

There, I learned that Jesus wants to be trusted more than we trust certain methods.

There, my eyes opened wide to the fact that God was moving in all kinds of places and people—and that the answers are not the same for every mother.

Home school was no longer an idol.

I bought food rather than made it.

And Jesus became altogether lovely in the face of tragedy.

Regardless of your circumstance, I invite you to gaze with me into the face of Jesus Christ, Who alone can bring life into your car while you drive the children to school, or wait with them for the bus, or teach them at your kitchen table.

Jesus wants to be everything for us mothers.

Parts of this book were written while I was in one world, and parts of it written while I was in another. Jesus Christ met me in both. He steadied me in both. He taught me that grief and gratitude are friends, interlaced, working together with one purpose—to behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world and overcomes the affects of it, as well.

And He comes to each of you, inviting you to overwhelming peace in a life not your own. The Son of Man will always rise over everything that goes down.

It remains then, that your greatest need as a mother is not a perfect method, but a deep understanding of a Perfect Master.

As Eric Gilmore so beautifully says, “Jesus Christ is greater than His gifts, more wonderful than His wonders, and more precious than His promises.”

Find the book here:

https://www.amazon.com/Mothering-Purpose-Devotional-Encouragement-Mission/dp/1680997122/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=1MNWZ1JCLOG5S&keywords=mothering+with+purpose+sara+daigle&qid=1649183889&sprefix=mothering+with+purpose%2Caps%2C230&sr=8-1

All is grace.

Love Always,

Sara

How to Encourage Your Children

Every mom knows that pouty look on a child’s face exactly when she’s gone out of her way to have a good time together.

I glanced over at my ten year old son as we walked a new trail together, searching for waterfalls we knew were ahead. His little face was stormy. Never mind I had just driven a long way just to give all of us a happy time together in the wild.

I hadn’t let him carry toys on the trail (what a crime). “Now is the time for sticks and water and just hanging out together,” I told him. “And I don’t want you to lose your toys.”

“I just don’t get it,” he said. “What’s wrong with bringing toys on the trail?”

Because I had already explained, I pulled off the age-old mom saying next. “You don’t have to get it; you just need to obey. Now wipe that sour look off your face because we’re here to have fun.”

Those words may as well have been spoken to the rock he was carrying. But we walked on.

“I sure am glad you’re with us,” I told him.

The falls were roaring ahead and we climbed slowly to the top, panting as we went before pausing for a photo in front of the water. Suddenly, sister’s phone went flying out of her hands and into a tight crevice between rocks and wood.

We stared in distress at the phone just beyond our reach.

“I can get it,” little buddy told her, and in he went, nearly scraping his face on rocks as he slithered down and down before grabbing the phone, handing it up, then being pulled up himself by two people.

“That was amazing!” I told him. “See, we really did need you with us. You were super brave and really helped your sister out.”

That was all it took. The rest of the day I couldn’t keep him from helping out if I tried. If my shoe slipped, he was by my side immediately, holding my hand to make sure I didn’t fall. If I laid down to rest by the river, he snuggled up close to rest with me. There was nothing I could do without his constant presence and care right at my elbow.

“I could help you with all kinds of things,” he said as we kept climbing. “When I get big I’m going to have a lot of gold and I’m going to buy you a million dollar house to live in.”

Here I was, a forty-one year old mother being babied by her ten year old son. I pondered the lesson unfolding before me.

This child was often criticized, scolded, or told to stop. His mischief grated on the nerves of everyone in the family, and he found the oddest moments to screech at the top of his lungs. He shared a room with his big brother and teased his older sister and forgot to brush his teeth.

The sister who was most self-conscious was constantly embarrassed by his lack of social skills and made no effort to hide her feelings.

You get the picture. There was always something for him to be corrected on even though his heart was golden. And I’d often tell the older kids to stop scolding and start encouraging more.

“You’re making it worse,” I told them. “He needs to be encouraged more, and that will help him do better.”

I knew from experience that being surrounded by encouraging friends was a life changer. I had met people like that many years prior and as a result, my heart changed from the inside out.

When you speak good over others, you make them want to do good. It takes no character to talk down on people or even to see their negative traits. But it takes a pure heart of love to see past the bad right into someone’s heart.

Speak God’s heart over people by calling out what He’s wanting to put in.

I’ve often told my children during mess-ups and failures, “This is not who you really are. I see what you’re truly made of.”

I see you. I see you. I see you.

Who doesn’t want to be seen?

Little Buddy’s holding my hand by the end of the day. “Thank you for being such a good mom,” he says.

My heart was full and I kept pondering life the entire ninety minutes home. The lesson resounded once again—we cannot fertilize goodness by harping on the bad. Focus on the good, call out the good, name the good, and tell a person what is good in their character. Celebrate it, and watch the bad diminish as you do so!

Here’s a challenge to compliment at least two people every day!

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8 (ESV)