Purpose – Women of Purpose

Regaining Emotional Clarity; Finding God in Plan B (Part 7)

Single working moms all know the feeling of dread as they walk out the door for work when all they want to do is enjoy spring break with their children.

You’ll hop onto social media after work has completely sapped your energy and see photos of other moms taking their kids to the zoo, mountains, or beach. It can’t help but sting just a little.

But I’m here to let you know that you’re not alone, and speak to you what God spoke to me–that I cannot always fill in the gaps, that I was not created to have that ability, and I needed to trust God to do what I could not do.

Struggling to fill in what only another can do can bring us to endless anxiety and stress. So to single moms—God never intended for you to be the perfect dad, to be able to do everything with the children that he could do, to give your children everything they would have with a faithful father.

God simply wants you to find Him in plan B, just as you are.

What does that look like?

1. Keep looking for ways to integrate good into the lives of your children, even if it might look different than it did in plan A.

This might look like having your little boy read chapters in the Bible while you head to work and big sister watches him. Maybe he can call or text you to tell you what he’s learned. (Gabb watches or phones are perfect, safe options for this type of thing!)

Satan wants us to throw in the towel and give up rather than look for alternatives. You can spit back at him a little by remaining undaunted and undeterred when it comes to bringing God’s word to your children. Rather than feeling the need to make sure your life looks a certain way, keeping making JESUS look a certain way to your children. And when you can, pull them onto the couch at night for some Bible reading and prayer. I truly believe that mothers are responsible to bring Jesus to their children in whatever way they are able!

2. Whenever possible, help your children push forward.

This might look like telling your teen that she can do it. The smile on my daughter’s face when she finished day one of orientation for a job that had her so freaked out she almost gave up, made it so worth it. I was so proud of her for driving through a storm hours away to join a team older than herself, learn software that was confusing and complicated to her, and push through in spite of her fear. Her words at the end of the day, “Mom, you helped me succeed. You didn’t let me fail.”

Fatherless children often face greater amounts of anxiety and fear as they grow up to be independent. Be there for them, support them, show them you believe in them. If need be, push them toward what they want to give up on. And if you have a resistant child, love him/her and keep speaking truth. Pray in faith and give your anxiety to God. Expect a war for your child, but know you are on the winning side as you align yourself with God’s character.

3. Reiterate this often: You are not a victim, I am not a victim, WE ARE NOT VICTIMS; WE ARE CONQUERORS.

Mothers, you can weep before your children without wavering in the fact that you are a conqueror. Be honest and real; let them see your true feelings from time to time. But then, get back up and do the next right thing. Sometimes, that’s all you can do. The day might be long and difficult, everyone might be exhausted and grumpy—but let them watch you push forward.

And the next morning, take the remote and turn on worship music as they get up. The sun will rise, a new day with new mercies.

4. Grow in grace with God and with people.

Shed your garbage. Say yes to God! When you feel the Spirit nudging you about gossip, over eating, impatience, self pity—you name it—we all know what things we need to shed. Saying yes to God clears your soul, and the rewards are far greater than the cost.

Recently I’ve sensed the presence of Jesus in me so powerfully it almost felt as if my heart was physically expanded. Goodness and grace flowed into my soul, and I realized as never before how faithful God is to single mothers. Our circumstances may not change, but putting Him first changes our hearts.

Out of our own powerful experiences with the God of heaven, we then have wisdom and authority to speak of Him to our children in tangible ways. What satan meant for evil is turned into good, and again, we spit back at hell just a little.

5. Don’t be afraid.

Hard experiences don’t have to make us hard. Accept what is so you can keep your heart soft for what will be. A soft heart is mold-able, pliable, and grace filled. Difficult things can lead us so close to the Divine because we are forced to run, run, run into His arms. There, we find that was the best place to be all along.

I want to say this to you again—don’t be afraid. Single moms have war to wage but in the process, they gain heaven.

On this side of eternity, I’m here for you–and you are not alone.

Mothering with Purpose-All About the Book Release

As before, throwing a book launch party this month had me terrified. I can write and speak, but marketing is another story.

(Yeah. There it is. You’ll probably never find me in multi-level marketing because the thought of trying to sell stuff sends me into a panic. I’d rather hug someone than try to convince them to buy something.)

But God was asking me to push through, trust Him, and do the thing. So I did, and He came through with all the right friends for all the help I needed. Amazing how we’re all good at different things and how wonderful it is to just be ourselves and do what we’re good at with rest and grace over it.

So here’s just a little spin on the new book:

Being a third born child in a family of ten children had me well acquainted with taking care of babies, and I entered the mothering world eagerly. There was little adjustment to having my own babies because I had helped my mother take care of my younger siblings for as long as I could remember.

I was going to do just what she did: home school, always be a stay at home mom, and be my daughters’ best friends even in their teen years.

I drove an old mini van so I could afford to be a stay at home mother. I home schooled, and did the whole bake-your-own-everything kind of lifestyle. And I loved my children like none other.

Then, my world fell apart. The years of doing everything “right” had to be replaced for a trust in the only One who is always right.

After years of turmoil, my husband had packed his bags, driven away, then pursued a romantic relationship with a sixteen year old girl only a year older than our daughter. There are no words for the turmoil this placed on my children, nor for the after math of devastation on all our lives.

I went to work and the children went to public school. They reeled, I struggled—but we survived, and we learned, and we knew that, though life can be altered by another, it can never be destroyed by another.

In the past three years I’ve told my children many times over, “No one can ruin your life except you. You have the strength to get back up and live a beautiful life.”

I had to hold them while they cried, face their deep hurt and anger when it erupted, and drive many hours to counseling sessions.

After a few years of struggle, I made a move from the west coast to the east, landing in the dead of night in a major airport with myself and the children to start life over in an area where we knew one other family, settled into a house we had never seen, and started searching google for maps to the closest schools and grocery stores. Covid- 19 hit right afterward, and the rest is history.

Along with my children, I struggled to survive until I was set free from the grief that would have destroyed me.

There, I learned all about Grace.

There, I learned that Jesus wants to be trusted more than we trust certain methods.

There, my eyes opened wide to the fact that God was moving in all kinds of places and people—and that the answers are not the same for every mother.

Home school was no longer an idol.

I bought food rather than made it.

And Jesus became altogether lovely in the face of tragedy.

Regardless of your circumstance, I invite you to gaze with me into the face of Jesus Christ, Who alone can bring life into your car while you drive the children to school, or wait with them for the bus, or teach them at your kitchen table.

Jesus wants to be everything for us mothers.

Parts of this book were written while I was in one world, and parts of it written while I was in another. Jesus Christ met me in both. He steadied me in both. He taught me that grief and gratitude are friends, interlaced, working together with one purpose—to behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world and overcomes the affects of it, as well.

And He comes to each of you, inviting you to overwhelming peace in a life not your own. The Son of Man will always rise over everything that goes down.

It remains then, that your greatest need as a mother is not a perfect method, but a deep understanding of a Perfect Master.

As Eric Gilmore so beautifully says, “Jesus Christ is greater than His gifts, more wonderful than His wonders, and more precious than His promises.”

Find the book here:

https://www.amazon.com/Mothering-Purpose-Devotional-Encouragement-Mission/dp/1680997122/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=1MNWZ1JCLOG5S&keywords=mothering+with+purpose+sara+daigle&qid=1649183889&sprefix=mothering+with+purpose%2Caps%2C230&sr=8-1

All is grace.

Love Always,

Sara

Why Deborah’s Initiative is as Important as Sarah’s Submission

(Co-Authored by a man with a heart for Christ centered leadership)

I’m not sure I’d want to sit under a tree named after myself, judging the tribes of Israel.

I most certainly would not want to join an army—and if the battle was won, I probably wouldn’t sing a song describing myself as the mother of Israel.

The thought is almost funny.

Yet, scripture is written for our edification and instruction. The story of Deborah tells us a lot.

She was a WIFE.
She heard from GOD.
She was a PROPHETESS.
She sat under a palm tree named after herself, “The Palm of Deborah”.
She summoned a man to her station and delivered a WORD FROM THE LORD.
She gave detailed descriptions of what Barak needed to do during this war.
Somehow, she had gained the utmost respect of Barak, who was a leader and commander, most likely a type A man with great abilities of his own.
After victory, she gave glory to God, and included herself in that story.
In a patriarchal culture, she reminded a strong man that the battle would be won by a woman.
God Himself chose to use two women to execute victory in a battle fought by men.
Deborah wasn’t trying to DO EVERYTHING a man could do; she was fully BEING EVERYTHING she was called to be as a woman. (please note the difference here).
When Barak asked her to go with him into battle, she agreed to go.
Barak was not too proud to ask—and she did not disqualify herself from a place of great importance in this story because she was a woman.
Both man and woman did exactly what God wanted them to do by working together to perform what He asked.

Then there is the awe-inspiring, Proverbs 31 Woman! A woman can expect to hear the words “You’re such a Proverbs 31 woman”, —when she arises early to pack her husband’s lunch, do his laundry, or prep his dinner. But there is more that we need to be teaching our daughters.

I want to take a deeper look at this distinguished woman from the book of Proverbs. The Proverbs 31 woman also:

Had a husband who trusted her decisions.
She made intelligent business moves that put their estate at an advantage.
She didn’t just shop locally, but sought out the best purchases from around the country. This meant being well informed and knowledgeable.
She had maids to free up more of her own time.
She purchased real estate.
She took care of her body and strengthened it.
She knew that her business was profitable.
She helped the poor.
Her clothing was fine linen and purple.
She created, sold, and distributed her products to merchants.
She was marked with strength and dignity.
She opened her mouth with wisdom (which meant she had wisdom others heard and received).
She spoke with kindness.
She looked after her household WELL (and that also meant knowing her limits by hiring maids).
Her husband, who was an established, productive leader, PRAISED her.

Notice, she excelled personally, at home, at business, in her community, in the market place AND she was PRAISED by her husband.

While we see far reaching extremes from oppressive patriarchal “Christian” cultures for women, all the way to brash, feministic, non-christian culture, it is clear from the examples of Deborah and the Proverbs 31 woman that both of these extremes are a far cry from the good, loving heart of our Heavenly Father.

I’d like us to take a quick look at Sarah, who is mentioned in 1 Peter 3. Sarah is described as a woman who obeyed her husband and called him lord. Unfortunately, this passage is often taken so out of context that it has produced a cult-like, oppressive environment for women, where, in all honesty, if she operated like a true Proverbs 31 woman, she’d be labeled as “too much”, “too strong” or even “rebellious”. Scripture never contradicts scripture, but actually compliments scripture. If it appears to contradict, we must simply look further or deeper at what God is saying as a whole, which can involve context and further study.

I have seen women who are struggling in painful marriages, yet afraid of “dishonoring” their husbands by getting help and exposing the real truth of his actions and words behind closed doors, The husbands expect their wives to quietly “find a solution” that protects their reputation, which usually looks like the (already submissive) wife being “more submissive”.

In many of these marriages, the problems are quickly blamed on something a wife does or doesn’t do while the man refuses to own his need simply because he’s “the leader”.

There are times where the topic of lust and purity is a matter of how a woman dresses more than that of the man’s own heart.

Some of these men are content leading in minor material areas of life (or being the admired leader/authority figure) of their homes while leaving the most important (relational or spiritual) areas to their wives.

It’s become more of an emphasis on Position and Authority than being the reasonable, responsible and respectable leader by God’s standards. The aftermath of this “authority” focus is devastating on women.

For example, there are women still weeping over sexual abuse after many years because they’re told to forgive more than told that God is angry with what has happened. (forgiveness can only happen when you know God is just and will bring justice). In some of these cases, a perpetrator is still allowed to live freely among the women he violated. (Even a minor can be removed from the girls he wronged).

At times, if women become “too upset” because they are NOT BEING HEARD, they’ll be labeled as being “bitter” or “rebellious” and told to submit. The men of the church will decide what should and shouldn’t be done—which sometimes, means the perpetrator is allowed to stay. I realize this would be unthinkable to many good and Godly men, but this is the reality for many women in some religious communities.

To add Insult to Injury these same women are strongly admonished to: Serve their families, especially their husbands; Be eager for sex; Continue admiring of their husbands; Stay silent on what matters most—unless the husband agrees. At most, she can very gently and “submissively” broach the subject but cannot make strong statements on things even as great as what to do with a perpetrator.

The Result?? Christian men, many of your women are weeping. Some of them are becoming emotionally distraught by the lack of true friendship and loving relationship.

It’s time for God-Inspired Leadership. What does it look like?

God-Inspired Leadership:

Listens – the cry of every woman, (person really) is “to be heard” – Do you value her voice?
Leads by example – Purity of heart, sacrificially, does the hard things, NOT just the fun things.
Lets her function in her gifts, too – She has God-given influence – can you “allow” her, or even better, HELP her accomplish her goals, pursue her gifts and talents?
Lavishes her with goodness – Give to her & help her, provide for her, be generous to her.
Lessens her Load – Help her with the kids, share in household responsibilities, hire a maid…
Loves Loudly – Leave no doubt in her mind of your love her, let her hear it often, and see it always …Love hard!

This is what Godly Leadership in our homes should look like! A man is a covering, not a lid. We cover what we love and want to protect, we cover what we value, we cover what we don’t want any damage to come to.

Recently I asked one of my happily married friends if she would defer to her husband if a major decision needed to be made and they did not agree. She immediately said “Oh, yes!”

I asked her because I noticed that they were mutually happy in their relationship.

I asked her because I noticed her countenance was joyful.

I asked her because I noticed she lived without pressure, and her atmosphere spoke of peace rather than stress.

Let me assure you that I’m still in love with 1 Peter 3, where Sarah is spoken of as an exemplary woman, one we would do well to follow.

But, the leadership we often see in Christian churches is destructive for men as well, because it is producing women they don’t want to produce. Unknowingly, men are digging their own graves to a happy, fulfilling relationship—all in the name of “Biblical” teaching. Women usually won’t be happy and fun unless they are treated well, with differing roles but with equal value.

Satan laughs while women weep. He’s successfully taken a beautiful, God-given plan for the family and turned it into a damaging, patriarchal system of selfishness and hierarchy.

Godly leadership will make a good woman COME ALIVE.

Before I close out, I want to thank every man who’s shown us what it looks like to love a woman well. I sincerely hope some of you speak up in the church, for the church, for your sisters who are suffering in ways you have no idea and would come to arms if you only knew.

My faith in men stands strong because of you. And my faith in God’s plan remains unshaken as I continue to pursue a culture of honor. Perfection is never expected on either end. But mutual effort, open and kind communication, love reciprocated, and mutual honor for each other.

As one Godly man said, “It looks a lot like team work!”

“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

……….Let each of you love his wife as himself.” Ephesians 5:25-29, &33a, ESV