Women of Purpose

There’s a humorous story of a young Christian girl who wanted a husband so badly that she sat in her house day dreaming about a thief breaking in who would take one look at her and decide to love her instead of steal from her.

It’s humorous because it’s ridiculous. But wait a moment—it’s not as absurd as it may sound because a lot of people live this way, as if God intended us to only use our spiritual senses to exist in a human world with human need.

The question begs to be asked. Can our humanity separate from our spirituality?

Can we pretend to be needless in an area God purposefully designed us to have need? And if we try, what happens? I’ve seen so called “Christian” beliefs lead to absolute perversion as religious groups teach things the Bible never taught.

When God-given humanity is caged in with extra Biblical rules, it becomes perverted in a desperate effort to be un-caged. What was meant to be “holy” is now worse than the world, and religious groups find themselves bewildered as they deal with sin of a grosser nature than many non-believers would even desire to attempt.

What then does it mean to be satisfied in God, as Augustine says? “Oh Lord, our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.”

Christians are notorious for pretending human feelings and need are to be ignored, unrecognized, and spiritualized. But what if our body, soul, and spirit are so entwined that one affects the other—and God created all of it?

God does not condemn our humanity—He created it! What if the longings we have are placed there by Himself, and acknowledging them is healthier than denying them?

Being satisfied in God doesn’t always mean denying human need. Rather, it means worshiping Him whether or not those needs are met.

Being content in God doesn’t mean living without our needs being met. Rather, it means seeking to fulfill our needs when possible, but being content when it is not possible or in line with His will for us.

Being whole doesn’t mean pretending we don’t need others in our lives. Rather, it means that when we lose those we love, we are able to grieve as those who have hope rather than fall into despair as those who have no hope.

In all things, we ask God, “How did you create me? What plan did you have for me? Why do I desire this so strongly?”

Our need for romantic love is only one area, but I’ll focus on this one since it is relevant to almost everyone.

When my ex husband left and dated a 16 year old girl, my own need for love did not diminish. What did it mean to be satisfied in God during that time?

It did not mean pretense, that I was okay when I was breaking, that I didn’t care when in fact, I cared more about my marriage than anything else I could think of. It didn’t mean denial. It didn’t mean turning into one of those “Who needs a man?” kind of a woman.

What it did mean was that I let God speak to me about His love.

I let God tell me what boundaries I needed.
I refused to date for the three long years such a complicated divorce took.

Being satisfied in God meant that when others told me to go find a hot date, I told them my conscience would not allow it because I was a married woman.

Being satisfied in God meant that I acknowledged before God that I was living in ways He created me not to have to live. That the burden I felt on my shoulders was not planned by Him. That I didn’t have to pretend to be okay with something He wasn’t okay with, and I didn’t have to pretend I didn’t need my husband to be faithful when God Himself needed His daughters to be cared for by faithful men.

And years later, being satisfied in God meant asking God what He wanted for me, not passively, but purposefully.

Being satisfied in God means obedience to God, not passive existence. I see Christians in denial, passivity, and discontentment leading to longevity of depression and despair as they cage themselves to an existence God never asked of them.

Instead, lets ask ourselves, “Who did God create me to be?” Then, let’s reach out to pursue what that is—all the while, making sure our desires are in line with His word and scripture. If they are not, being satisfied in God means saying no.

God’s no is always in line with His better yes.

But very often, the things we deny ourselves of are actually things God created us to have. When we turn away from the gifts of God, we turn away from an aspect of God’s heart for us. In turn, we become miserably religious with no joy. Our “spirituality” is no longer spiritual, but carnal.

Denying ourselves brings joy when God is truly saying no, but when He’s offering us gifts, we live in abundant life by pursuing and accepting them.

In this process, let no religious person tell you you’re not “holy enough” because true holiness doesn’t impose anything but God’s heart and God’s best on others.

I’m not talking a selfish or sinful pursuit of happiness here. There is no freedom in sin and no joy in selfishness. But we there is also no freedom in religious rules that God didn’t create. Our own rules for “holiness” bring havoc. Both—and I’m here to repeat, BOTH—rob us of God’s abundant life.

Hear me carefully—hard is not always holy. Hard is holy when God asks it if you—but it is no more holy than finding delight and joy in a season of gifts, rest, and pure blessing.

In the end, being satisfied in God is a dance to the rhythm of His heart. When He says no, it always means yes to something better. But when He says yes, there also could be nothing better. And I’m here to ask Christians everywhere, “What longing do you have that God wants you to pursue?”

We pursue classes for cooking, training for business, college courses for becoming and doing things we’re good at. But when it comes to those internal longings of the heart, we suddenly sit on our hands and do nothing at all to position ourselves, expecting miracles to float from the sky because nothing else is “content” or “spiritual” enough.

I think God lets us sit in our religious ideas sometimes, trying in vain to convince ourselves that we are both happy and holy when we are neither.

Religion is a cage, often resulting in cult-like ideas of control. Relationship is a rhythm to God’s own heart, setting us free.

Maybe God wants to set us free from false ideas of holiness? Maybe He wants us to pursue the things we long for rather than force ourselves into a false contentment God never asked us to fabricate.

What if one of the greatest keys to abundant life is to accept His gifts, and even pursue them?

All in His time, in line with His will and Word, and by His grace.

“She’s on life support, and we’ll try to keep her alive until you get here,” my friend said.

The world stops when your friend’s child is no longer breathing on her own. Suddenly, you’re not breathing too well on your own either, and neither is your daughter who is facing the reality of losing her best friend to suicide.

We were on a non-stop flight to San Diego as quickly as possible, wishing the flight was for anything but our dear friend. The land of palm trees, ocean, and sunshine appealed to us both but it was difficult to enjoy because she was already gone by the time we landed. And as we opened her mother’s door, we all cried those tears of absolute agony no words can describe.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that my heart was pulling away from God rather than running to God. I was taking walks, reading, cleaning for my friend, sitting with relatives—but I wasn’t able to rest in Christ because all I felt was grief and doubt.

I felt unsteady, as if a Presence I needed was distant. But as a few days passed, I was able to respond to the Holy Spirit as I walked the beach.

1. Satan convinced a beautiful young girl to take her life—was he going to convince me on something?

Absolutely not.

2. Rather than throw my hands in despair, I needed to keep lifting my heart in worship. Worship to God is a slap to the evil one who tries to convince us that God is distant and we are without hope.

Rather than blame God, I needed to blame the one who opposes God.

Rather than walk away from hope, I needed to step into hope even more fully so I could offer it to others in this time of need.

3. All death, grief, sickness, and sorrow is on the earth because of sin. If Adam and Eve hadn’t listened to the devil more than to God’s voice (even when they didn’t understand), death would not exist. Was I going to turn away from life?

4. When we have questions about God, we need to get back to the basics:

There is darkness and there is light. I choose to align myself with Light even when life feels dark or others make choices that make my soul feel smothered in darkness. God is always light.

I choose Light.

“In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.” John 1:4, ESV

God is not only life, He is LIGHT.

We can have a million questions and a thousand why’s, but in it all we have a choice—will it be darkness or light?

I walked far out on the beach trying to escape others as I let waves wash my feet and sunshine kiss my skin. And resting on the gigantic rock, peace was restored as I turned, in spite of my questions, to the Light of all men and women who turn to Him.

Let there be LIGHT in your soul today when the world is dark.

Don’t fear darkness—only fear turning away from the Light Who pierces darkness.

And as satan tries to catch you with a million questions, turn your back on him to face the Only Answer—and know that today, your worship to the God of light will slap darkness in the face as you say it once again, “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Remember not to blame God for things the devil does. That is his greatest trick. Don’t let him convince you to turn to darkness just because of a dark situation. Instead, turn to light even more as you despise what darkness does.

Suicide can teach us many things.

People need hope. How can you turn to LIGHT and LIFE today so you have hope to offer those who feel none?

“May the God of hope fill you…….so that you may overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13, ESV

All is Grace,

Sara

I’m intrigued by the conditioning our surroundings have on our consciences and I’m bent on finding the will of God for His people without bias, culture, or upbringing, but only God’s word as expressed in the Bible.

I’m watching kids raised in a Muslim family become staunch muslims.

Children raised in Amish homes think it’s wrong to buy and drive a car.

On the other hand, some kids raised in a post modern, leftist society are changing their genders, wearing fake tails to identify as furries, and wanting litter boxes in bathrooms. The voices they hear call them to tune into feelings they feel, which we all know can run unbridled and perverted.

What a vast difference in each child’s story! And every child has a voice in his head, a story he tells himself, largely based on what he’s been told, who he’s been around, and how things functioned in his life from toddler to teen.

The stories we tell ourselves affect our relationships, our families, our marriages, and our walks with God.

We can choose to absorb voices from the people around us, from our families, from our spouses, or from God.

If we’re fortunate, those we’re around will only bring us truth—but most people in this world are conditioned to believe something rather than taught to choose what is true. Muslim parents raise muslim children, Amish parents raise Amish children, and if we’re not careful our post modern society will turn out an entire army of mothers who are no longer grounded in Biblical values.

The stories we tell ourselves become the voices our children hear.

1. A mother who’s been hurt in marriage can carry bitterness toward men. The voice her daughters hear will be “Men are awful and cannot be trusted.”

If this mother is wise, she will choose truth instead. Every day, she will rewire her brain to accept truth over betrayal, love over bitterness, and forgiveness over hate. The story in her own mind will change, and the voice her daughters absorb will be, “There are really great men in this world and we respect them, are thankful for them, and trust them.”

2. A mother living near Hollywood can carry undue pressure to measure up to a fake, plastic society where value is based on looks. The voices her daughters hear will be “I better look a certain way if I want to be loved and accepted.”

A wise woman invites other voices into her home, perhaps by putting sticky notes on mirrors with “Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30, ESV)

The story she tells herself will be true, lasting, and sustaining. Her daughters will see that it’s okay to run out the door without mascara, that staying healthy is more important than having a perfectly shaped body, and that value goes far, far deeper than fake beauty. Voices of society will fade into the background while God’s voice becomes stronger.

3. A woman who’s been hurt by others can carry a story of rejection. Every potential encounter for love or friendship is cast by a shadow of pending pain rather than an open door for meaningful companionship and love. The story in her head has a title, and she is convinced that the day’s chapter will be written as before.

The voice her daughters hear will be, “Life is dangerous, people can’t be trusted, and everyone will betray you.”

This woman will raise daughters whose chief goal in life is to protect themselves rather than allow themselves to be protected.

The story in a mother’s head can raise daughters who are snarky, feministic, and brash—but underneath, the attitudes others label as ugly are only valiant internal efforts to ward off a world that has been labeled “Pain” by the story their mother has written, which in turn has created those voices in her daughter’s head.

Call it PTSD, trauma, upbringing, culture, family, or the way your spouse is or is not—there are reasons people behave the way they do and accept voices that are entirely false over the One Voice that is always true, healing, loving, and good.

I want us to see that we can rewire our brains to live in goodness and truth, that we can tell a better story than the one life wrote for us, that we can shift the narrative and bless the following generation by voicing so much more.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8, ESV)

As always, God gives us tools to understand what’s going on so we can change into His way. Neuroplasticity is our brain’s ability to change, forming new neural pathways as we put in effort by focusing our attention on goodness rather than what’s happened to us. As we do this, we open our hearts to love rather than close them off in self-protection.

Of course, part of overcoming pain is processing it first. By acknowledging pain we work through it, even if it takes years. I’m not talking denial–I’m talking an identity based off past things that cast a story we are not willing to rewrite because we remain stuck in darkness.

When we are willing to honestly own our hurts, we can authentically move toward better. Whether that takes a little time or a long while is not someone else’s job to say–the only thing we need to focus on is that somewhere, somehow, there is goodness, and that goodness will have the final say in our lives. We move from a state of rejection into a state of love and belonging.

The friend we thought would reject us ends up loving us because we are full of truth, able to accept her, create warm spaces for her, and enjoy her company. In response, our brain literally creates a new neurological pathway largely on its own, merely by absorbing and responding to a good experience.

But—and here’s the important thing to remember—we have to put effort into thinking things that are true. I’ve never encountered something so difficult, yet so life changing. I could be living life happily when something reminded me of past trauma—and in no time at all, my stomach seized up with nausea and my entire body/brain went into flight/panic mode.

In those instances, I could choose two things.

1. I could run from whatever and whoever was (very innocently) triggering past trauma. I could keep myself in a safe, but lonely place in the world where no one could come close enough to hurt me.

2. Or, I could pause, take note of the nausea, remind myself that the people of today are not the people of the past, put the plate of food down, eat some crackers, chocolate cake or whatever helps the nausea, then spend the next few days praying, calling a mentor, and doing some very, very hard work of bringing my mind and body under control and in subjection to reality.

Then, I can choose to nurture relationships with those who disagree with me, those I want to run from, or those I feel threatened by. The over-arching genre of my life can be health, inviting others to enjoy it with me. As I push the demons of panic/betrayal aside for the angels of love/belonging, my life changes, changes, and changes some more.

The stories we tell ourselves are the voices others hear. So, if you’re in a lonely place of life, ask yourself what others are hearing when they’re in your vicinity. Are you inviting them into life or casting a shadow of death and misery?

Our past is no excuse to ruin the present for ourselves or anyone else.

We can keep telling ourselves that the story of the past is the story of the present, but this means pain has a greater word than healing. This means the Voice on the cross that said, “It is finished!” is of no use because we insist on looking back into the very thing He came to crucify—both our sin and the sins of those who hurt us.

He died for BOTH.

And this is the reason, mothers and wives, why the story of the cross overpowers the story of our lives, and why the Voice on the cross changes every tone and meaning of the voice in our head. From life experiences to feelings of inadequacy as a mother to allowing culture determine our thoughts rather than God’s word, the stories we tell ourselves become the theme of our voice.

Wise women speak life, healing, truth, and love. They love and are able to be loved. Somehow, eternity begins here and now with the God of the ages speaking His verdict, His voice, His heart over us. And we accept, sometimes in doubt, sometimes hesitantly–but the deeper our acceptance of His love, the more radically our stories change into voices our children were always meant to hear.

May the stories we tell ourselves line up to the Voice of the One Who wants to liberate our body, soul, and spirit.

Love Always,

Sara

Much like the Amish culture I grew up in, many churches are full of beautiful families who love God, but don’t expect miracles.

Somehow, a large portion of the church has decided that what happened in the Book of Acts is meant to be history.

Praying in tongues is considered a dangerous idea rather than a gift given by the Holy Spirit, and we run to the doctor without pausing to give God a chance for supernatural healing.

But I’m here to ask, “Why?”

Jesus says, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized shall be saved, but whoever does not believe shall be condemned.

And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”

So then the Lord Jesus, after He had spoken to them, was taken up into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.

And they went out and preached everywhere, while the Lord worked with them and confirmed the message by accompanying signs.” Mark 16:15-19, ESV

My first question to the American church is this: why do we accept the first directive Jesus gave, to go into all the world and preach the gospel—yet dismiss the directions of how to do it? If new believers were going to experience miraculous things, how much more were the disciples going to show them as they preached? Jesus “confirmed the message by accompanying signs”.

My second question is this: Why do we give so much time, money, and energy into kingdom work, yet deny its power? “The kingdom of God does not consist in talk, but in power.” 1 Corinthians 4:20, ESV

We send missionaries abroad and hold weekend conferences on how to preach the gospel in other countries. Yet, we deny the accompanying signs Jesus clearly said would prove His message.

If we’re honest, we have to admit that miracles are happening in many, many places around the globe—places where people are desperate for God and have no other option.

Darkness and light don’t mesh easily in those places. Demonic and Heavenly clash in outwardly visible ways, and God shows His power to prove Himself.

I think He wants to do the same thing here. But how can He, if we lean back and declare those things part of by-gone days, dangerous, or off-the-rocker-weird? Or, simply too good to be true?

“For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues.

All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as He wills.” 1 Corinthians 12: 7-11, ESV

The first time I heard someone speaking in tongues, I was scared, upset, and thought it was odd and entirely unattractive.

Today, I see it as a beautiful way of connecting deeply to God when someone’s spirit has no words for the intensity of the prayer they need to pray. Scripture is clear that not everyone experiences this, but it is given to some just as all the other gifts are distributed as God wills.

Beware of anyone who would tell you that speaking in tongues is THE sign of Holy Spirit fullness. Paul asks, “Are all teachers? Do all work miracles?………Do all speak with tongues?” (1 Corinthians 12:29, ESV) Paul is making a point that not all believers speak or pray in tongues just as not all of them have the gift of teaching, etc.

Jesus told us it is better for Him to go away because He’s sending the Holy Spirit. If the Holy Spirit is better than the actual physical presence of Christ when He walked this earth, bringing healing, hope, life to all those who came to Him—how much more does He still want to show Himself in those ways?

Having the Holy Spirit is supposed to be BETTER. We don’t need to keep wishing we were on this earth when Jesus was when we truly experience the Holy Spirit and His power.

“Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you.” John 16:7, ESV

It’s difficult to imagine better if we remove some of the best things Jesus brought us, left us with, and commissioned us with. He left us with a mandate to continue the work He started. No where in scripture do we read that His miracles were meant to end; rather, we see Him not reducing or changing either His means or His method except handing the baton to His followers to continue doing exactly what He was doing.

The Holy Spirit is deeply personal, as in my friend Anna’s case when He showed her how to release everyone who had hurt her, and experienced her entire body, soul, and spirit surrendered and at peace.

The Holy Spirit is external, moving in miracles across the earth to confirm the gospel.

The Holy Spirit is freedom—all His works bring greater life and deeper understanding of the love of Christ.

The Holy Spirit is peace—it doesn’t take noise to prove His presence.

God doesn’t always heal when we ask Him to. The important thing to remember is that He is our Healer. When He says no to external, bodily healing, He’s saying yes to internal soul healing that is worth far more than external comfort.

There’s something about pressing that causes us to cry out to Him and experience Him more. Like Joni Eareckson Tada, who admitted to not “needing” Christ before she was paralyzed from the waist down, but afterward came to walk with Him closely, encouraging millions of people around the world.

The Holy Spirit works in various ways—we only need to seek His fullness and worship Him without limits, agree with what He’s doing, and ask Him to use us as conduits for His work. Whatever it looks like for each individual, God knows, and formed each of us in specific ways to show His grace to the world.

Not all gifts are overtly supernatural. We cannot tell God what gift to give another, or place expectations on others. Scripture is clear that not all operate in the same gifts. We need ALL.

Some of the gifts of the Holy Spirit are practical. Some of my favorite people are gifted in serving others—it makes them come alive and puts momentum in their steps. Their gift brings the love of God to others in tangible ways, incredibly needed and beautiful.

“Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches,in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; ^the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.” Romans 13:6-8, ESV

It all begins and ends with worship. Pause to pray with someone rather than walk by quickly, hoping they find help somewhere. Be brave. Be life. Be the salt of the earth and keep your flavor!

Walking with God alive and full is an exciting life. His presence is GOOD.

Perhaps this is why miracles are seen in the persecuted church more than here—they are bombarded with troubles too great to bear, crying out to God for help and deliverance.

Perhaps, more than strive for material gain, the American church needs to fall on its face in acknowledgment that our need is far greater than the material things we spend our days striving for.

We don’t need more stuff—we need more Jesus.

“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16, ESV

“Mom, part of the reason I respect you is because you’re not as afraid of conflict as you used to be. You stand up to me when I’m wrong.”

I nodded. It was a work in progress, this thing of avoiding conflict—running from it, really.

My child had always had a mind of her own and wanted me to be able to “fight” it out, while I’d shut down and hide until everyone’s anger was gone and we could discuss something rather than argue.

Waiting until the heat of a moment passes can be wise. Sometimes I still ask a child to wait until I or they are not angry. I don’t want to say things I regret—and few people are wise with words when they’re upset.

But I did have to learn not to shut down my own thoughts and opinions just to avoid conflict. Because the truth is, avoiding conflict doesn’t save emotional intimacy with someone; it actually hinders emotional intimacy.

When you shut down just to avoid a disagreement, you shut down part of your authentic self. It takes authenticity to connect wholeheartedly with another and disagreements are inevitable.

Trying to avoid conflict was sabotaging the very thing I was trying to save.

I learned a few things over the years that helped me live in a better zone than flight, freeze, or fawn. Because who can connect with a less-than-real person while they run (flight), freeze (suddenly become tongue tied), or fawn (do whatever it takes to make another happy even when it’s not what they truly see, believe, feel, or want).

Our humanistic world calls people to “be what they are” even if it hurts others. I wanted to avoid that. I wanted to help, bless, encourage, and serve others. But truth be told, my inability to engage in conflict was also selfish—I wanted to be liked, and every time someone disagreed with me, I felt disliked.

Emotional maturity means we expect and accept conflicts and disagreements to rise in every meaningful relationship, are able to stay in a conversation authentically, and are not hurt as soon as someone says something that used to make us withdraw.

1. Honesty is classy, not rude.

How many times have we heard someone be blatantly rude, only to have it excused by, “I was just being honest!”

No, you’re not just being honest. You’re being angry and mean, treating another as a less than worthy human being. Our goal as parents, friends, and partners needs to be gracious honesty, which means we say what needs to be said in the kindest manner possible.

Yesterday I poured someone a drink I had made quickly and asked her to try it out. “I don’t really like it,” she said. “Maybe because it’s cold and I enjoy hot drinks.”

My friend’s honesty was refreshing. I’d hate her to sit there pretending to enjoy my drink when I genuinely want to know what to make or not make for her next time.

There was nothing rude about her comment because it was said kindly, in a moment when I wanted to know if the new thing I was trying was a success—or not. And this brings us to the next point.

2. We need to give and receive feedback that may feel uncomfortable.

What do we say if someone asks a question like, “Do I come across needy sometimes?”

You’re staring at that face a little tongue tied, because truth be told, your friend does come across needy at times. At that moment, you have a choice—be the friend who loves enough to be honest and help her out, or hide the truth in order to spare her any hurt feelings.

You can and should be authentically, kindly honest with her. “Yes, sometimes. But I also know you don’t want to be, and I think that most of the time you come across confident and secure.”

Or, throw in any last comment that is true and would help her receive your first acknowledgment well.

Most of the time when people ask questions about themselves, they ask because they already know the truth. If you affirm the truth, you help them change, but if you deny it, you throw a bandage over a wound that needs to heal from the inside out.

The secret is not avoidance of discomfort, but of love during discomfort.

My best friends love me. I know this, so I can ask them questions about my life, choices, or behavior because I truly want growth. I ask them to give me undiluted answers so I can see myself and change where I need to. But here’s the key—I don’t do that with everyone.

That brings us to our next point.

3. Honesty does not mean telling everyone everything.

There are people in my life who’ve shown so much love and support through the years that I can ask them anything and receive what they share even if it stings a little. If I know someone loves me and wants only my highest good in all things, I can hear things like, “I wouldn’t have done that,” or “Make sure you do this instead”.

Social media doesn’t deserve to know everything about you. Oversharing is not dignified or classy—but trust worthy friends who’ve proven their love cannot hear anything that would make them love you less. In fact, just the opposite. What a beautiful thing for lovers, friends, and families to be in the difficult/bad parts of your life as well as the good.

Whatever relationship means most to you, make sure you cultivate this kind of safe vulnerability. Remember, you do not have to share everything with everyone to be a vulnerable, honest person. Keep your dignity and save some things for those closest to you.

4. Your dignity requires your honesty.

When you’re able to say how you feel, express your needs, stand strong against wrong-doing when others may judge you for it, and not say whatever it takes to make another feel good at your own expense—then and only then have you retained your dignity as a woman.

Wives and mothers, you are here for more than just to make your spouses or children happy. God gave you wisdom that was meant to show itself. No woman who understands the worth of God’s voice inside her will shut down for another person’s pride.

What we’re seeing in this world is humanistic expression of all feelings, justified as authenticity. I want us to go far deeper, where the expression of opinions, feelings, and thought brings goodness to those around us. We are strong enough to speak and strong enough to be silent when needed. This brings us to the next point.

5. Sometimes we need to be silent.

Wives and girlfriends, you can wear a man out by constantly expressing negative feelings. Sometimes, you need to process alone with God or with another girl. Remember, authentic relationships still have a sense of dignity. Your man does not need to hear everything out of your mouth at all times. If you do need to express disappointment, remember to share it with respect and love.

This can look as simple as saying “I feel anxious when you’re late” rather than saying, “Why are you always late?”

Honesty requires wisdom. Learn to rephrase your words so another can hear them. You’ll still be expressing yourself but the results will be so much better. A man can handle needing to change something so his wife or girlfriend doesn’t feel anxious but no man can thrive in a relationship where they’re constantly attacked, blamed, or criticized.

Many times we don’t need to say anything at all. The world is bigger than us, and as women, we need to remember that not everything revolves around us and our feelings. Be a little tough on yourselves, and let’s all grow up into maturity, together.

In short, authentic, whole-hearted living means learning to express ourselves in the best way possible, creating a loving environment where all things can be discussed in ways that make conversations open up rather than close down.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

Remember that “fitly spoken” doesn’t mean shutting down your words, but redirecting the way you speak them.

Love to all,

Sara