“They say women don’t need men anymore,” my fourteen year old son told me on the way to school.
“Who says that?” I asked. “Because your mom and sisters certainly don’t believe that.
The look on his face made me want to cry. Fourteen year old boys are already facing identity questions. Who am I, and where do I belong? Who needs me?
And yesterday as he helped his sister move, I could see his shoulders square up. He literally saved the day along with another young man who brought a truck to help with a heavy mattress.
My daughter and I had no problem needing men yesterday and I was so proud of her as she expressed respect and appreciation for the men’s strength and help. Ironically, the two young men lit up doing exactly what she needed.
Biological design lines up with Biblical order, because the God of the Bible created biological design. Fascinating, life giving, encouraging and affirming of both genders–we simply cannot improve this.
God designed good men to want to care for and protect women. And I want to say to all women, even to those who’ve been hurt by a man, that women need good men.
We had a talk there in the car, my boy and I. Femininity and masculinity are both under attack in our culture, and I want my children to know deeply the calling God has on their lives.
My son is the first to open my door when we go out. I trained him for this, on purpose, by standing to the side of the door until he got there. And the other day when I asked him what the newest thing was that he learned on his phone, he said, “How to be a good husband someday.”
Yesterday as I spoke with another woman struggling with betrayal, I spoke to her of womanhood, how even us single ladies can inspire the world with feminine manners that call out the best in people around us.
We don’t need a husband to do this, though we wish for one. We can still embody what we’ve always wanted to be. We can refuse the attitude of “I don’t need a man” and instead hold on to gratefulness for the good men in the world.
We can still be fully woman and fully alive.
And here’s the thing—ladies, you don’t need a perfect man in order to be a grace-filled woman. If he provides for you, is faithful to you, and seeks to love you, be grateful every day. Look for the ways he’s showing love even if it’s different than what you want. And if you need him to show love another way, ask him for that specifically. But please don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder if you have a truly good, but imperfect, husband.
Tell him you appreciate him, often.
Notice his good qualities and speak them out loud.
Let him come home to peace—and remember, peace is a gift for your children, too.
Look him in the eyes and smile. Like, truly meet his eye with a smile.
When he comes home after a long day of labor, let him rest. If you’re a stay at home mom, please don’t nag at him to fold laundry unless you truly need help because of babies, etc.
If you’re a working mom, let him know you need his support when you both get home.
Be specific and gracious in your requests. Men want to be asked for a need they can meet rather than be nagged for a need they didn’t meet, because they were never asked.
I’m here to call out gratefulness for the faithful man.
This man may not be as romantic as you want him to be. He may not know any of your favorite therapy phrases or personality tests or attachment styles. He may kick off his boots inside your door and drape his coat over your dining room chair.
He may love God but not be the best teacher of each chapter in scripture.
I’m calling women to stop the comparison game and stare down the blessing of a man who loves you for life. Some of you are blessed to have all your bills paid without having to worry about it. Others of you are working alongside your husband to meet financial needs in a cost-hijacked world. Either way, your husband wants to know he’s your support and at the end of the day, you need him.
He wants to know you’re grateful.
He needs to know you admire him.
If that gives you struggle, I want to remind us ladies that admiration to a man is what love is to a woman. Today’s world embraces women who ask for love while it scorns men who need to be admired and respected. Yet, one is as good as the other because both are God-designed.
I defy divorce culture in the name of Jesus because I see a better way, a way that creates heaven-sent love into the hearts of our children and each other. I know it takes two, and one cannot do it alone—but one can always find their identity in Christ, obey His word, and leave the outcome to Jesus Who doesn’t force change on anyone.
Remember that if you follow Jesus in how you treat your spouse, change in your spouse is not guaranteed—but here’s the thing: obeying God will change YOU. And a love relationship with Jesus is worth having whether or not our spouse gives us the relationship we long for.
I speak this over you as a woman who tried (too hard) to save her marriage, and it broke anyway. God’s call for me as a woman always has been to carry myself with honor and dignity. It’s a “Yes, Lord” love relationship with Jesus that isn’t based on what I get or don’t get.
And I want you to know, married friends, that you can carry yourself with honor and joy with an imperfect husband. Be joyful, be grateful, address needs clearly, get your head out of the sand, and live free.
The Ancient of Days always has had, and always will have, ancient ways. Those ways aren’t feeling based; they are truth based–and they truly work for good.
Whoever dares plant their feet on the Rock of Ages will truly stand on something solid where the gift of God remains undeniably life giving, life changing, and life altering.
Today, look at your imperfect husband and speak it to him, “I appreciate you so much for—.”
Men need to be needed. And I will say to any woman, “Men ARE needed.”
The bulk of military is …..men.
Most hunters are……men.
Most construction workers…….men.
Strongest and tallest………..men.
Fastest to protect……..men.
And you want a baby? Well, I hate to break it to you but you need a…….man.
Tell him you appreciate him, today and often in the days to come.
In a world of dishonor, remember that your crowning glory as a woman is to honor those around you, and especially your husband.
Never let the world rob you of the dignity of womanhood. Because if we do, we lose the ability to encourage true manhood.
A sisterhood is truly thriving if it sees the value of brotherhood. And to all the ladies out there, if you meet my boys, please treat them like gentlemen who are needed in the world, with God given attributes different than your own because women do not have it all.
Together, as we celebrate both masculinity and femininity, we have what we need.
A few Sundays ago I invited complete strangers into my home.
Enter, the big front door pushes open with a grind because it’s 118 years old, but Sunday morning coffee on the porch calls for hello’s from all kinds of neighbors. Somehow, we form community over old houses and love to peek inside each other’s homes.
The old wall paper greeted them warmly while my 17 year old daughter tried to greet them warmly, but of course, as soon as they were out the door, “Mama, don’t you know we don’t want strangers in our house on a Sunday morning?”
Yeah. What 17 year old girl wants a couple in their 30’s talking with her about paint colors and architecture while she eats her cereal with messy hair and an unwashed face? Poor baby. But I smile merrily and tell her “That’s a great way to make friends—they wanted to peek inside this old house.”
By the time the couple left, she’d given me her number and they’d parted with “Call us if you ever need anything at all—my husband is handy!”
Ladies, do you know how to bless a single mom? Give her your number with offers to help if the plumbing leaks or the bathroom fan gives out, or the water heater spills into old wooden floors. You get the picture. I wish I had a husband to offer services to all my single mom friends—because here’s the thing—making friends is not a technique; it’s a lifestyle.
But, here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way, moving to places I knew little to no one:
1. When you meet a person, it’s all about them, not about ourselves.
Immediately after hello’s, now is the time to ask thoughtful questions that engage a response. Rather than changing the course back to yourself, the time is still ripe to ask another thoughtful question based on what they told you.
People light up when another is genuinely interested in their lives. And this kind of person is rare. I always notice when someone is able to talk extensively without focusing mostly on themselves.
After a painful divorce, it seemed I processed verbally a whole lot. My friends were more patient with me than I was with myself. But there was a time where enough was enough, and years of healing had to lead me into a new focus on others. Still, I had to pace myself. Crowds were too much sometimes, and I struggled to engage—but a life skills course took me back to who I used to be as I remembered that thriving in a crowd means taking an interest in the person beside me.
I put it in practice after a service recently, and a complete stranger said, “We should be friends”, then shared her information with me. I need to follow up and have her over—but get this, it took mere minutes of me asking her about herself and her life rather than rushing off to preserve my own mental space.
When I talk with strangers, I keep reminding myself, “This is not about me.”
2. Be flexible and open.
Tonight my kitchen is full of five boys eating rice and talking about buggers. Yes, buggers. It was nauseating but I laughed more tonight than I would have if my kitchen was empty.
It all happened impromptu when friends who had David for the weekend asked if I’d watch their boys while they went on a date. Of course I said yes and of course I cooked a huge pot of rice to eat with crock pot chicken and of course I pulled out the popsicles from the freezer.
But of course I was also glad the five boys chose to crowd around the old wooden island for their sticky rice rather than head for my lovely dining room. And of course I also disappeared after dinner while they did dishes.
I love friendships with people of all ages. Another mom’s children, elderly widow neighbors, fellow singles, both guys and girls alike. Every human being we encounter may offer the chance of a blessing, hopefully both ways, but always from us to them.
Being others focused allows us to create an atmosphere that delights others and makes them excited to be around us. We should be a space of warmth, love, and care for each person, even in the grocery line. Don’t be too shy to smile and compliment strangers—it can make another’s day!
Making friends takes only a few ingredients: a keen interest in others, and a warm invitation to your personal space, including your heart. When the time is right, open your soul with those who hold is safely. Be vulnerable.
Celebrate others. Take every opportunity to call out the good in others. “I love your sweater—where did you find it?” kind of comments has brightened many a stranger’s face. What women doesn’t want to feel beautiful?
3. Last but not least, remember that not everyone is meant to be your friend.
Respect that some of the best people already have too much going on and have no capacity for more. Learn to see those in the crowd who need and want friends.
The goal is not always to make a personal friend, but to bless another’s personal life in the few moments you enter their space.
Some will be mere acquaintances.
Some will be friends.
And some will be, as Anne of Green Gables says, “Bosom friends.” for a lifetime.
When you find those, hang onto them tightly and never let go. Work through fights and failures, and always keep coming back. Forgive big and love even bigger. Say “I’m sorry” even when you don’t need to, and say it ten times over when you truly do need to.
The real ones will forgive you and the ones who use you for their own gratification won’t. Let them go and be thankful their true motives were revealed. A real friend won’t demand perfection and will forgive mistakes.
Love. It’s all about love for this universe of people created in the image of God for the glory of God.
Thanks to all you readers for being hidden friends in the line of words spilling across the screen, and sometimes, the page.
This morning for breakfast, my twelve year old son handed me a plate of scrambled eggs splattered in ketchup. The food was delicious, though not pretty—but that was beside the point.
I deliberately asked him to cook breakfast while I was having quiet time by the fire, because I want to raise boys who are gentlemen and readily step up when their future wife needs something—or doesn’t need something. My boys will know how to cook eggs and scrub bathrooms long before they leave the house.
But eggs weren’t the greatest thing on my mind as I sat by the fire. The Lord was nailing a spirit of abandonment in my soul and I was asking Him for answers, humbling myself before my online heart work course, and going deep into what was sticking onto me from previous years.
I remembered the time I was six years old when grandma yelled at my father for moving us a few states over to another Amish community. I remembered losing my friends and my parents having to sit at another table to eat when we went back for visits.
I remembered a close repeat at fourteen years old when my parents got their first car and turned on light switches in the house. We lost all our friends overnight.
I remembered the day divorce papers showed up at my door and the lady’s eyes welled up in tears as she handed them over and saw my ashen face.
It wasn’t long before I was crying as memories came flashing through my mind, but the fire was warm, and my Bible was with me. And just as clearly as the Lord nailed my problem, He gave me the solution.
That’s what He does, always. There’s never a nailing of the problem without Him providing a hammer to nail that problem into the dirt where it belongs.
It came so clearly. “Sara, there was never a moment when you were not perfectly loved.”
Like warm oil on a bitter wound, the Holy Spirit was there to heal what He revealed. Peace I cannot describe flooded my soul as I received the Father’s love.
I was perfectly loved when my husband’s eyes were on other women.
I was perfectly loved when he packed his bags and dated a sixteen year old girl.
I was perfectly loved when I was handed divorce papers.
I never needed to dye my hair a different color or compete with women in magazines.
There was never a moment when I was not already perfectly loved.
I’m not the only one who has had to work through trauma and I knew I had to share this healing with my sisters. I want all of us to think of the worst times of our lives and realize, then and now, that no person can undo the perfect love of Jesus in any of those moments.
Sit with Jesus and remember when you were abandoned or rejected. Allow Him to let you know that in those very moments, His perfect love was right there. He wasn’t saying or doing what the human in front of you was doing.
I went to work with absolute peace, and when my client asked if I wanted Thai food, I was relaxed enough to accept it. During lunch, we got to talk about death, salvation, and Jesus. I’d been praying often for this man because it’s not easy to watch a man die of cancer who has yet to accept Christ.
Perfect peace was over me all afternoon and allowed me to listen to his thoughts on religion, respectfully, and even agree with some of them. I had nothing to defend accept the love of God. In the right moments, the Holy Spirit was almost tangible as I shared with him the absolute peace I’ve found in surrender and trust with Jesus even though life has been difficult.
He used to be an apologist and knew everything about all religions, it seemed. But because I was filled with God’s love for my own soul, I relaxed and felt no pressure to convince him, only a deep desire to share with him the love I’d found. I didn’t pretend death wasn’t scary—there’s a reason death is called a valley and shadow—but I spoke of peace that could be greater than any fear of death.
He listened, and wept, then said he enjoyed our talk. “It only takes a moment of surrender,” I told him. “Surrender– even your questions.”
Pad Thai is always delicious but I walked away with most of it still in the box.
It’s odd how the Lord brought me this waited for opportunity when I was at rest. If I hadn’t rested my soul that morning, I would likely have declined lunch. Or, accepted it but felt more pressure to convince him rather than sit with him.
The Holy Spirit does what He does when He’s already living and active inside of us. And sometimes, we have to face the greatest deaths of our lives to experience the greatest love of our souls.
It wasn’t easy to remember all those things this morning. But sisters, whatever God’s revealing, He’s intent on healing. He will only open your pain so He can heal your wound.
If you find yourself performing for love, remember that every single moment, you’ve always been loved.
Today, I try to stay fit because I want to be healthy and feel good about myself.
I sing because I love to worship.
I write because that’s what writers do.
I decorate my house because homemaking is a happy, worthy thing.
Do what you do because you are already perfectly loved, and certain behavior is becoming for a daughter of the King. Take care of your body because staying fit and healthy is honoring to yourself and to your womanhood. Live well because that’s what a princess does.
Being perfectly loved means we’ll want to live as if we are. It doesn’t mean accepting every flaw and continuing to live unhealthy lives. Perfect love changes us. Perfect love takes us to better. Perfect love allows us to toss the ugly and live the beautiful.
The more you see how loved you already are, the more you’ll do all the things you wished you did, but can’t bring yourself to do. Because at the end of the day, God doesn’t order us with rules, He wins us with His love. That, sisters, is the difference between religion and relationship.
The man spoke of a preacher who rejected him for sin, yet was having a homosexual affair on his wife. “This is not Jesus,” I told him. “Because the Holy Spirit is inside me, there are certain things He compels me not to do, but it’s all out of love.”
He nodded. He understood. Creator God cannot be compared to creation who is not choosing God.
The gift always has been and always will be perfect love.
For this gift, Jesus Christ gets my service and adoration til the end of time, and then, for all eternity.
Merry Christmas because He lives!
And Merry Christmas because every single moment, you’ve always been perfectly loved.
Recently a mom asked me to write about practical tips for staying healthy and feminine in a busy life style. I told her I’d be happy to do so, because this is an important and fun topic for Christian women, but it seems only a few (and especially one) aspect of Godly femininity is usually mentioned and taught.
There is so much more to a truly beautiful woman. Godly beauty starts inwardly, yet shows itself outwardly.
Many Christian women read 1 Timothy 2:9 and interpret the Greek word used for “modest” as covering themselves appropriately. We are taught from an early age not to show too much skin and to cover our bodies in public. But I want to say, this is only part of the meaning of modesty.
“….Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9
KJV translates the word for modest with this: “orderly; that is, decorous; of good behavior, modest”
Though I believe appropriately covering our bodies is important, it is difficult to argue that this is the primary meaning of the Greek word “kosmios”. Rather, I see that God wants us to wear clothing that is pleasing to the eye in a modest manner. We are to take care of our appearance and make sure it is orderly and even decorous. In short, women who are pleasant in their appearance bring glory to God.
The Christian church has focused on “modesty” (their interpretation of modesty) more than on health. I’ve watched the results—many fully covered, unhealthy, unhappy women who are not taught the actual meaning of “kosmios”.
Here are a few things I believe are vital for Godly womanhood:
1. Do what you can to stay healthy.
One of the first steps to spiritual, emotional, and physical health is to keep our weight in check. Buy the weight loss program if you have to. Make it priority—rule over food rather than allow food to rule over you.
Buy a good scale and watch your weight–and if you’re married, do this even while pregnant. “Eating for two” doesn’t mean inhaling two donuts or five pancakes. Double up on the veggies, protein, and vitamins instead, if you need to. If we’re really eating for two rather than eating for ourselves, we’ll be eating in ways that are actually good for our baby and our body. Remember, you’re eating for your baby to form in the healthiest way possible.
The scale is your friend. Use it often and if you see numbers go up, do what it takes to stop the incline before you have serious regrets. This includes while you’re pregnant. If you consume too many empty calories while pregnant, the scale won’t drop easily after the baby is born. (Don’t allow yourself to gain 80 pounds if you only need to gain 40, etc.)
I’m not talking about being a size 2. BUT, I believe women need to encourage each other to stay healthy. Emotionally eating ourselves to ten sizes larger than we should be is not becoming for Godly women. This is a sensitive topic and not one we hear taught, but we need to start hearing it! Physical appearance matters and it affects us more than we know. Let’s not label health and fitness as worldly, but realize this is an area where the church often fails to live exemplary lives. Others look on and wonder why Christians preach against addictions, yet are addicted to over-indulgence with food. Do not all addictions harm the body, and why should teens accept preaching against nicotine from a father or mother who is grossly overweight and literally killing him/herself with sugar?
These are tough questions. But strong women are not afraid to face tough questions. It is high time for us to have worthy answers for those looking on.
Let’s face it—all addictions (not just some) are harmful and unbecoming to Christian women. And often, the more “religious” a group is, the numbers of overweight and unhealthy people increase. Religion labels certain things, but the Spirit of Christ sanctifies ALL things.
2. Exercise.
Getting active is vital for our health as moms. For many years, I pushed two or three babies in a used stroller for my exercise. I walked into town with them, walked around blocks before dinner, pushed them up and down a dusty country road. Wherever we lived, I did what I could with what I could.
Later years allowed for Cross Fit, weights, etc., but even then, the gym was a treat rather than a constant. Busy moms can even get on their living room floor and do leg lifts, crunches, and squats. We can do jumping jacks with our kids and have the best laughs watching them try to co-ordinate their limbs as they jump!
After each of my babies was born, I’d lay on my floor and lift my legs a few inches off the ground to tighten my stomach muscle. The burn and tightness in my abdominal muscles was entirely cost-free, took ten minutes, and could be done with my children all around me. My exercise was incredibly simple some years, but the point was to get moving!
In olden days, a woman’s regular day brought natural effort to their bodies. Scrubbing clothes by hand, hoeing a garden, or walking for water all fostered community and exercise. In today’s world, we can throw laundry into a washer, throw rice into an insta pot, and turn on a faucet for water. The end result is ease but no exercise. So, we have to be intentional about health as never before.
3. Don’t over-spend.
In today’s world, you can wear attractive clothing for only a few dollars. Don’t buy into the lie that it’s okay to walk around looking terrible because you’re a mom and don’t have extra money. Keep yourself fresh and clean, especially if you’re married. (You don’t necessarily need make-up—you just need health, peace, kindness, and good hygiene.
I’ve had very little manicures or pedicures. My hands have callouses and I usually stare wistfully at beautifully maintained finger nails, but I simply don’t have the time or money to spend on pedis and manis. Honestly, I’d rather head to a garden or a barn than into a nail salon, but that’s my Amish farm girl coming out. Those who know me best know I’m happiest out with the animals and dirt, or scaling a mountain.
I buy inexpensive jewelry. When I get compliments I often have to say, “This cost me $5.” I don’t own expensive jewelry and I’m okay with that.
So for those of us who think we can let ourselves go because we don’t have money for a gym membership or clothe purchases, just know that you can purchase a few outfits at Goodwill and work out at home. Even healthy food doesn’t have to be expensive. Be content and be disciplined!!
I put aside the cotton over alls I wanted due to price. I did purchase the $13 Walmart dress. Choices like these help us manage both our wallets and appearance!
4. Let go of the lie that in order to be pleasantly dressed you have to be into the latest fashion.
Truth is, I dislike some of the latest fashions and the other truth is, I don’t want to spend money being up to par with all of that. BUT, I do study clothing and body shapes. Some of us look terrible in what others look great in. Some things are appropriate for one body shape but too revealing for another. Whatever the case, I’ve found joy in a simple approach to clothing where I ponder what looks good or doesn’t look good, yet am not a slave to keeping up with all the latest fads.
We are not Hollywood actresses or fashion models—but hear me carefully, Christian women—our physical appearance is important when it comes to staying healthy and knowing how to dress.
Our bodies are not our own and are to glorify Christ. He is all goodness and love. Do people feel inspired when they look at us?
5. Don’t gain attention by showing too much skin.
Real women don’t have to show everything in order to know they are worth more than anything. Be beautiful, but keep your sexuality for the bedroom. When in public, have class and dignity about you that attracts appreciation and respect more than whistles and leers from player men.
A truly beautiful woman is a faithful woman who loves her husband and strives to be his best friend.
And if I can put a word in for swim wear, here: girls, some of your bikinis aren’t even bikinis anymore. If you’re okay with wearing one, at least cover your bum. Enough said. 🙂
6. Skin Care.
I’m not rigorous about the perfect skin care routine, but it is important to put at least moisturizer on your face twice a day. Wash and care for your skin. Take daily showers, especially if you’re married. The beauty of a woman is the cleanliness of a woman more than the expense spent on a woman. In other words, a healthy, clean woman is often more attractive than an unhealthy woman who spends hundreds of dollars each month to doll herself up.
So don’t stress about skin. You can go as easy as a natural coconut oil if you like. Most of us can’t afford dermatology or expensive skin care and that’s okay! Health comes from the inside out which means what you put into your body affects your skin.
And as you age, forget about getting as tan as you can in summer. Protect your skin more than you used to, to avoid brown spots and leathery skin. Especially if you live in the South! Staying tan is difficult in winter anyway, but healthy skin can be enjoyed year round.
7. Embrace Aging.
What is more needed and lovely than a radiant grandma?! I don’t know about you, but I need grandmothers with grey hair, soft arms, and fires burning in their hearth, heart, and homes. I need grandmothers whose bodies may be growing feeble while their hearts burn with wisdom and insight more than ever.
Only a selfish woman who thinks her value comes from youth and outer beauty will fight and kick the aging process. Having this as your focus leaves you empty, with nothing for the soul of others to connect to. Stay healthy, active, and pleasant—but don’t fret the wrinkles! Just smile a little more as you grow older and allow the joy of you to override the aging of you.
7. Worship.
There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who worships her way through life. Honor God by worshiping Him through your tears. Truly thank Him for the joys of life. Be a thousand times grateful for the one time critical or negative.
Remember that your soul can be beautiful regardless of who or what is around you. What atmosphere do others get in your presence? Who are YOU—because who your soul is matters more than what your circumstances are.
Christian woman, remember there is so much more to modesty than what is usually taught. Be a lovely, feminine, attractive person in your soul, and strive to show that in your appearance. Even if you’re a tomboy who hates girly things and finds herself out shooting guns and riding horses—be a real woman and be proud of it!!
“Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.”
I’m going to open my veins here and let them bleed a little on a topic dear to my heart.
I love being a woman.
I love it so much that I have no problem owning the fact that men possess attributes I do not. The same is true of women—we can do things men cannot do. But hear me out just a little here……….
It took me forever to burn things from my marriage, but I finally did, carrying a pile out to burn up in flames because my marriage was so far gone. I even sold my bed and all the pillows, then slept on the floor as I cried some deep tears.
In some ways it was merciful for things to get as bad as they did, or I would have hung on forever. But I finally knew I had to be done.
God met me there and told me, “Sara, you are still fully woman and fully feminine, with or without a man.”
Those words from Jesus have been my saving grace. No man can rob me of the gift of being fully woman. Since then, I’ve been able to enjoy, even more, all the things I did before.
God has this ironic way of redeeming everything for those who love Him, and the gift of being able to appreciate goodness even more, as a result of the ugly I’ve been through, has been part of my redemption in it all.
I still dress up, wear make-up, and purchase an occasional new piece of simple jewelry. I still love fashion even though most days I’m knee deep in cleaning supplies at the job. Every once in awhile I still take out the curling iron, and I still love an elegant glass of wine.
If anything, those things mean more to me now because I’m joining the work force each morning and filling my car with gas along with a gazillion men who are all building houses, maintaining lawns, and pouring concrete. They make the mess; I clean the mess.
But recently, as I praised my ten year old son for his masculine protection over our home and family when someone ransacked our car in the night, I was bombarded with upset women because I dared imply that men are more protective than women, that we should all be content with our gender and simply live it up.
I even dared speak against transgender lifestyles. I’m not into the pop-Christian culture where sin is blatantly condoned.
But that’s another topic in itself. Back to daring to mention that men are protective.
I was blown away. Surely most of those women would happily take a protected place should war break out and the men around us rushed to the front lines to protect their homes and families. (I’d honestly love to see a line of feminists when the call to bear arms comes along. I dare say that at that moment, they’d love to let men be men.)
Of course there are female soldiers, too. But I’m talking majority here. There is simply no doubt that most men have a protective instinct and most women have a desire to be protected.
My little boy’s eyes lit right up as he planned how to scare a thief away from our car. And I, as his mother, could only stare at this tiny ten year old and wonder why he wasn’t afraid.
Say that on face book though, and you’ll get all kinds of “Women are definitely the strongest gender” kinds of comments.
I’m not sure what we have to prove here. Do women really feel obligated to do and be everything a man does and is?
For crying aloud, men can’t grow a human in their own bodies, give birth, or even care for a baby as instinctively as women can. We are just as strong, yes, but in a different way. There’s a (God-given) reason most little boys play guns and most little girls play dress-up.
Of course some girls are naturally “tomboy-ish”–and I happen to love scary adventures, mountain climbing, and such as well. We’re not making cookie-cutter descriptions here, but calling appreciation to the fact that genders are different and families need BOTH to function well.
We are just as important, yes, but we are not the same. If God wanted females to be as good at everything men are, He would have just created all of us male.
I’m weary of the twenty-first century where femininity is looked down on rather than appreciated. Have women forgotten they are bearers of beauty, kindness, and love? The world needs us—and every real man knows it.
When women release their femininity for something they think they should be, instead, something difficult comes in its place.
Insecure women bring control, unrest, and ugliness into this world. I’d say this universe needs the opposite—and I’m frankly honored that God created us for the task.
The other day I was cleaning a bath tub for a client when suddenly a massive something with a million legs came speeding up an unused drain. I screamed just a little, stepped back, and wondered what to do.
I could be the bravest ever and say with millions of other women, “Who needs men?” I could squash that creature with a wad of toilet paper. I could overcome every fear I’ve ever had of crawling creatures, and just do it.
Or, I could be okay with my fear, walk out to the garage, and ask the gentleman to please help me with this mini-animal scrambling around his tub.
I chose the latter and stayed far away until he walked out with a smile, a dead creature, and an apology. I thanked him, re-entered his bathroom, and made it cleaner than it’s ever been.
See this—I wasn’t weak for wanting help with a crawling creature speeding about with a million legs in the bath tub I was cleaning. And he wasn’t less of a man for not wanting to clean his house.
I own a cleaning business because I’m good at cleaning and I love organizing. Most days we clean three homes, some of which are obviously bachelor’s pads. Now, some guys are cleaner than women, but there’s a reason we often use extra soap on man caves.
See that term, man cave?
A woman will most likely call her home a nest. She’ll have plant rooms, dining rooms, a sitting room—all geared to love, nurture, and create a haven.
Both genders are strong, yet in opposite ways because we are meant to compliment each other and bring to this world what the other does not. When we both do our part, we create a beautiful balance. When we compare, fret, and feel less than, we create void by default, because when someone isn’t filling a spot, the spot is empty.
If women try to be men, what is left for real men to be attracted to? Who is there to care for, to love, to be hero for?
Before you bristle, ladies, remember that a man is biologically created to be a hero. Even Disney knows this. There’s a reason Cinderella wears the glass slippers and her real man rescues her.
Real men need real women, even in the twenty-first century.
Before you go haywire on me with all kinds of hormonal reactions, may I remind you that I write this as a single woman making my own way in the world?
I know how to start, own, and grow a business, hire employees, and manage a thriving company.
I know how to pay my bills, do my own yard work, use a weed trimmer, fill the lawn mower with gas, and check the tank for oil.
I know how to use a chain saw and I’ve spent hours cutting up fire wood with my children.
I can manage my website and work with people from one end of the spectrum to the other.
But, I’m still fully woman and it’s totally okay to have a man get that crawling whatever out of the bathtub while I stand there shaking.
We have nothing to prove, but everything to be.
Do what you need to do in life, but nurture those around you, bring beauty to every place you go, and find full satisfaction in being a woman. Appreciate and acknowledge what men do and are for you. Only an insecure woman has something else to prove.
You are so needed. Not half of you, but all of you.
Let every real man keep right on opening doors for women, and let every real woman thank him with a smile.
The attributes we do not possess are meant to be fully met in the other. Goodness calls to goodness as we both live fully in this world.
Single women, this is for you, too. You are every bit as much of a woman, and the world needs you. Remember to stay kind and bring both internal and external beauty to those around you.
So if every boy is born with a question, what questions is a girl born with? Some people say, “Am I beautiful?”
I disagree.
I believe it’s, “Am I accepted?”
When God went to form Eve, He could have used dirt just like man. But he chose to instead open Adam’s side and remove a rib. Adam was human.
There was blood and sacrifice involved.
Eve lived because Adam sacrificed his body.
When she was brought to Adam, the man verbally proclaimed her identity over her. His approval was not based on how well she performed her role. At that moment she had not done anything.
He approved of her, because she was HIS. She was taken out of him…and the man celebrated his sacrifice.
When Jesus came to earth, He left His acknowledged identity. He left His honor, His comforts, His dignity and His preferences. Laying down his life was much more than the cross. And when His life culminated on Golgotha and He died on the cross, His side was pierced and out flowed both blood and water.
His side was opened.
There was blood and sacrifice involved.
The church lives because Jesus sacrificed His body.
And Jesus verbally proclaims her identity. His approval is not based on how well she performs her role. We are approved of before we have done anything. He approves of us because we are HIS. We live because of Him and Jesus CELEBRATES His sacrifice.
There is a REASON for everything God says and does.
Women were created to be a physical representation of the church.
We are worth sacrifice.
We are valuable.
We are vital.
We desire to be loved, approved of, accepted, chosen and seen as blameless in our husband’s eyes, even IN our unacceptable state, because that is how Jesus sees His church. Innately we desire what we were created to receive.
And THAT is why men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
He chooses her above his own reputation, comfort, conveniences and preferences. Put that with a woman who gives back to him all the honor, respect and admiration she can muster …you have something unstoppable.
You see, what most men don’t realize is when they truly forsake all others and cleave only to his wife and LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES, the honor, respect and submission they crave will be a spontaneous outflow of gratitude. Just like the church’s worship, respect, love, praise and celebration and the church’s spontaneous overflow to JESUS for what He has done.
Satan’s goal isn’t only to keep men isolated.
He is also out to keep women from feeling loved, because he knows that if he can keep us from feeling loved, we will have a hard time to truly honor.
There are many men who refuse to forsake all. Instead they cling to their identities, reputations and entitlements. If Jesus had done that, there would be no church.
But I don’t believe fulfilling our role depends on the other’s performance.
We have no excuses. And we will get into that later on.
We need to understand GRACE.
You love him with his imperfections, just as Jesus loves YOU.
John 15:12 “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.”
In order to GIVE this kind of GRACE, we have got to have experienced it ourselves. We cannot give what we do not have.
We have got to understand the grace God pours out on the church. We have got to be able to see ourselves in God’s eyes. Our identity has got to come from GOD…not our husband.
When our HEARTS are turned towards the FATHER, no matter what our actions are, He loves and accepts us. He accepts us when we are unacceptable, because our position is TOWARDS HIM.
It’s when we turn our back to Him, no longer willing to receive HIS input into our lives, that creates the void between us. And I believe that is what sinning against the Holy Spirit really means. It’s repeatedly choosing to block out His voice and refusing to listen. It’s hardening your heart. God doesn’t turn His face away. WE are the ones who turn.
Grace is being accepted when we are not acceptable.
It is trusting the identity that JESUS spoke over your life. That never fluctuates by your performance. The approval of God on your life is not dependent on the approval of your husband.
And when we can live in unshaken grace, we can extend unshaken grace.
You cannot extend what you don’t possess.
Pt. V: LIVING OUT EZER
Every military establishes a strategy BEFORE the conflict.
OUR STRATEGY: RESPECT & HONOR
Matthew 10:16 “Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.
Let’s back up and review.
God believes in male and female equality (Gal 3:28 There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.)
God strategized, by establishing order and divvying out strengths/weaknesses.
We are not to look at our roles as “greater and lesser”. Jesus is “under” God, but we all know He isn’t lesser.
Women are a physical representation of the Bride of Christ and we relate to our husbands the way the church relates to Jesus.
every boy is born with a question: “Do I have what it takes?”
We know Satan wants to answer this question. His agenda is to prove to the man that he is as insignificant and incapable as his deepest fear whispers he might be.
Respect isn’t something we do because it’s the “right” thing to do. Remember, God doesn’t get bright ideas just for the thing of it. He does everything with a purpose. Showing respect is for a certain RESULT. It’s to accomplish something.
Have you ever asked the question, “Why should I honor, respect and submit?”
Unlike many authorities, God is never threatened by our questions. Acts 17:11 Paul commends the Bereans for questioning and studying. His reasons are big enough for questions.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
To understand the meaning of a word, we need to back up and look at two things.
The etymology (original definition) of a word
And the context
So let’s do that here.
The Greek word “submit.” hupo-tasso-mai
The Greek word “submit” is a combination of a verb with a prefix. The verb “tasso” could be translated as “set, arrange, order.” What we miss right away in English is that this verb was a military term for arranging soldiers in ordered formation to confront an enemy. It was primarily military language for “designating, commissioning, appointing or deploying. Or “assign, appoint, arrange.” The ending of the word tells us we’re in the passive/middle voice.
Literally, we could read the verse, “deploy yourself under”.
Now we could read the verb as it appears in Ephesians 5:22 as “place yourselves under your husband” and you might be technically correct, and then you might look, as past translators have, for something like “be subject to” in order to render the verse in better, quicker English.
But…you lose the military context of hupotassomai, which is about forming up for battle and about deploying or stationing yourself to support.
Should we even be surprised? If God chose the military word Ezer to define woman’s role, doesn’t it make sense that He would chose another military term when assigning her the strategy?
What we are talking about is not an ancient Greek word for abstract obedience, but a concrete metaphor of military support!
Context of its use:
This translated word, “submit/deploy” is embedded within a passage that provides an extended military metaphor.
Eph 1, God’s power and plan:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will,. (He just gave us the end goal.)
We celebrate the fact that we are adopted into God’s own family.
Vs 9 “God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ–which is to fulfill his own good plan. And this is the plan: At the right time He will bring everything together under the authority of Christ.”
This is why He does the things He does. Think of this next part as his strategy, equipping us so we can help him accomplish this. This is going through Ephesians and giving a basic overview of subjects covered.
We are reminded how we are made alive again.
Importance of peace and unity among believers.
Explains how we are a temple of God.
The giftings to each believer. Your giftings are to forward the Kingdom of God, NOT to make you feel good about yourself.
Living as Children of light in a practical way.
Living by the Spirit’s power
Chap 5 Spirit-guided relationships “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (He talks about how we should walk as children o light…and then goes on to specific instructions to relationship: wives, hubands, children, servants…)
And THEN it goes into:
Putting on the Whole Armor of God
At the time, these letters were being written to challenge hierarchy, not support it.
Numerous times Paul talks about how men and women are “one body, fellow heirs, and husbands to love their wives as their own body.”
1 Cor 11:11-12 But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.
Lots of women cringe a little bit when reading 1 Cor 11. But I’m pretty confident that in Paul’s day, it was the MEN who were doing the cringing.
Eph 6:10-18 (Read this with your relationship with your husband in mind.)
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.”
Now, I want to explore the meaning of the word, “head” used in Ephesians. I believe in God’s order of authority. We see that authority order lived out in Father God-Jesus-Church. Take a moment and dwell on how that order is lived out. I know a lot of us have experienced negative church experiences, where we haven’t experienced the Church living as a beloved Bride. But she is. And as we go into this, let’s mirror the God-Jesus-Church order and line it up with God (3-in-one)-man-woman order.
FATHER GOD-JESUS-CHURCH
GOD (3 in 1) – MAN – WOMAN
“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
The meaning of the world translated as “head.”
The Greek word used here has two meanings. “Head” and “Origin.”
A “source. Like the head of a spring or a head of a river. ”
We don’t respect or submit because the man has better ideas. We don’t respect and submit to him because he is always right. We don’t respect or submit because it’s wrong to disagree.
And let’s think again. WHY does the church submit?
If we need to submit like that, we need to understand this.
It’s not to gain approval–we are approved of because of what JESUS did for us…not our own works. It comes from a genuine feeling of THANKFULNESS that spontaneously outflows. And that is how it should be in submitting to our husbands.
We respect him because we are accomplishing a goal.
We are strategizing WITH GOD.
We have a point to prove.
We have a question to answer.
We have a man to help.
And we are given the tools to accomplish that.
And this leads into something else. This is why I don’t believe in excuses. We aren’t victims–even if you find it impossible to submit with the same attitude that the church does. Remember that God is using military language, and war is never easy.
1 Peter 3:1-22
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
1 Timothy 2:11-12 “Women should learn quietly and submissively.I do not let women teach men or have authority over them.
WHY? God did not intend these verses to be a three point plan on how to have the least conflict in marriage. He’s not afraid of conflict. God actually values tension.
I want you to remember that you are strategizing with God. Remember, God is the one who created man….and He knows how to teach you the language of a man’s heart.
And it goes right back to the question haunting your man’s every day. “Do I have what it takes?” To a man respect, honor and submission means, “I value you. You got what it takes. Your mistakes do not change the way I perceive you and YOU are more important to me than being right.”
It allows him to put his guard down, as he has nothing to prove.
It creates a safe space.
It opens his ears so he will listen to you.
It gives us a platform to speak into his life.
It is so much BIGGER than just doing what he says.
Like everything else, it’s your heart and what motivates you.
There are a lot of women going about the motions of respect and submission. They never dispute or challenge. They agree and comply. But all these motions are just for “doings sake.”
The purpose is forgotten, and just like a church loses life when religion sets in, so honor loses its power when it is no longer done on purpose.
2 Timothy 3:5 Having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
The goal is not to “do the right thing.” We need to know what we are doing. WE need to be aware and active. We women have the Spirit of God inside us. We host power in that Spirit. And with the power invested in us, we can come against the devil and his agendas.
There is devastating damage when a church embraces religion. When the outward actions are put before the inward heart. When DOING is more important than BEING.
And God created us to exemplify the church.
Remember the ditch of Deadly Compliance? That passive control? Putting on a form of godliness for our OWN benefit. So we can feel good about ourselves. There are many women who submit just like that. To feel good about themselves. And it destroys their home, their husband, their children and their own lives.
Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her,and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm,all the days of her life.
We often think of finances when we talk about your husband trusting us. But can you prove to him that he can trust you with his failures, or does he always have to prove to you that he was right? Can he trust you with the painful parts of his past, or is he afraid that you will think less of him? Do you know RIGHT NOW what his present struggles are? Does he know you are co-laborers TOGETHER, with Christ, or does he feel like he is slogging up the path by himself?
So we build trust and believe in him.
We create safe spaces.
We have patience.
We do not fight for a place. We PREPARE a place.
Now some people stop at honor and respect, but Ezer isn’t just about making a man feel like he is capable of going out to battle, it’s about being willing to go out with him and fighting FOR him.
DOING BATTLE:
1 Corinthians 7:13 “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is consent to live with her, she should not divorce him.For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.”
I know. Most of us are married to really decent guys who love God and go to church.
And as women, we desire the approval and acceptance of our spouse more than anything. And what holds us back the most from being Ezer is fear. Fear of criticism, fear of rejection, fear of conflict. Fear of vulnerability. Exactly what Sapphira was afraid of.
Do you remember what Peter said about Sarah?
We are her daughters if we aren’t afraid.
If your actions are motivated by fear, they are the wrong actions.
So what do we do?
Stop and renounce fear. Refuse to participate.
Fear will not only affect any decision you make, but it will make your husband react as well. When a woman is afraid it makes a man go on the defensive. He will feel like you don’t trust him and he will tend to want to control or else he will give up and stop trying. Neither stance is the response needed for healing.
When you allow yourself to see what is really going on, If all you can do is stand against fear, know that that in itself does a lot. There is power in recognizing a hurt area in your husband’s life, seeing for what it is, and standing against fear in your heart.
Why? Because standing against fear takes the power of God. You engage the darkness with light. You are willing to accept the tension it brings. And what is the opposite of fear? Yes, it’s faith. Faith, knowing that God is there. It’s not you and your words and your suggestions. Standing there, allowing yourself to see what is going on, and standing silently in faith before the Throne of God. Your husband doesn’t even have to know you are doing it. He’s feeling your love and respect. He is aware of your honor. Your presence means safety and warmth.
PRAYER IS WARFARE!
2 Corinthians 10:4 “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.”
Luke 10:19 “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”
Matthew 18:18 “Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
We do not have authority over the man, but we definitely DO have authority over the spirit world!
Using your authority:
First we need to understand where it comes from.
Matthew 28:18 “And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.Go therefore….”
God himself is the power behind our authority!
We need to understand it belongs to us.
The Bible says that you are the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27). Jesus is the Head, we are the Body — and His authority is perpetuated through the Body. When Jesus rose from the dead, He transferred His authority on earth to His Body, the Church. In God’s mind, when Christ was raised, we were raised.
Ephesians 2:6 “ the God raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.”
Both the Head and the Body are seated there, next to God, in the place of power and authority.
That means YOU are seated there! You are seated in the power position, and you are His heir (Romans 8:17). That means that everything that’s His — including His authority — now belongs to you.
Using it:
You have got to understand your true position of power in order to use it. Remember the verse that I read “Having a form of godliness but denying the power”? Meditate on your position in Christ until you fully grasp the revelation that you are seated with Him, and YOU ARE the one He moves through.
Then use your authority by speaking out what His Word says, using the Name of Jesus.
Think about that! When you use the Name of Jesus, believing that you’re seated with Him at the right hand of God, you are backed by all the power in heaven! Every knee must bow to that Name (Philippians 2:10).
Jesus made it very clear that His Name is the key to all authority:
“Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it” (John 13:13-14).
How does this work out?
You know your husband’s weaknesses as well as satan does.
You can identify the vulnerable areas and approach the areas satan is destroying in your husband’s life and come against them in Jesus’ name.
If it’s a relationship with a child, you can pray over that area. Even while an encounter is going on, you can pray against satan’s agendas. You can barr him from entering into the relationship.
You can pray that Holy Spirit will enlighten your husband to lies he believes. And you can ask Him to strategize WITH you by giving you thoughts, questions and words you can speak into his life.
All this can be (and I believe should be) done without your husband knowing it. All he is aware of right now is your honor, your trust, and a new confidence and strength that radiates out of you.
Remember, it’s not your husband you are taking authority over. It’s darkness.
SPEAK:
For some of us, this is the hardest part of all. It feels super vulnerable to allow the Spirit to flow out of us to our man. And honestly I have no formula to give you, except love.
When Holy Spirit speaks, the motivation is ALWAYS love and empowerment.
If you are not motivated by love, it’s not the Spirit of God.
And the right words spoken in the wrong spirit are NEVER right.
Have you ever prayed outloud over your man?
Have you put your hands on him and blessed him?
Have you looked him in the face and told him, “
Holy Spirit is in you. I believe in you. I see Jesus in you. I really love the way you related with that child. I’m so thankful for you. May your spirit rule over your mind and body today. Thank you for all your do for us.
Are you intimidated or afraid by these suggestions?
If so, I ask you why? It’s worth exploring.
And I remind you that just like Sarah, you should not allow fear in your life.
I am not sure when He will tell you speak life into the man in your life, or what words God will give you, but if you allow your heart to overflow in honor. If you stand against darkness. If you pray in the spirit. I know that in the moment you need them, God will give you in the exact moment you need them, the words he needs to hear.
So what would have happened, if Sapphira would have been willing to be Ezer?
What if she would have made herself a safe place where Ananias could have voiced his insecurities? Showing honor, voicing appreciation, refusing to cower, refusing to bow to the spirit of fear…and yet asking nudging questions, little by little to guide him into exploring the places in his heart he’s afraid to go.
And once she was a safe place and Ananias opened up, sharing his insecurities, she held his heart and PROVED her trustworthiness. What if instead a lecture or silence, she spoke words of faith and love. All bathed in respect and honor. Proving to him that he wasn’t a “lesser” man in her eyes. Proving to him that he isn’t his worst fears.
And yet, when the time came. If he still decided to go ahead and pretend religious righteousness, she could have stood for what is right. She wouldn’t have lied to Peter.
She wouldn’t have been afraid.
Believe me, you are up to this task!
God has equipped you with every skill needed to be Ezer.
He gave you an identity to represent in physical form the most treasured part of His life. His bride. His church.
He has given to physical characteristics to see past the physical day-to-day.
He gave you the tools and strategy you need to reach your husband’s heart.
He gives you grace–seeing you as accepted even when you are unacceptable.
He gave you all authority to resist darkness.
And He has given you the strength to see it through, because He promises that you can do ALL things through Him.
Matthew 16 the disciples start worrying if they have enough food because they forgot to bring any. Jesus reminds them of all the miracles He worked, providing for their needs.
And then in verse 13 He asked a question:
“Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
I believe that we can take that verse literally.
Jesus will provide not only the daily bread you need, but He also has given you the keys. When we know who Jesus is and thus know who we are in Him, any lie, stronghold or struggle the man in your life faces, cannot withstand an Ezer. The gates of hell cannot withstand us.
“Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.”― Erick S. Gray
Women of Purpose 