Purposeful Living – Women of Purpose

A Celebration of Masculinity

“They say women don’t need men anymore,” my fourteen year old son told me on the way to school.

“Who says that?” I asked. “Because your mom and sisters certainly don’t believe that.

The look on his face made me want to cry. Fourteen year old boys are already facing identity questions. Who am I, and where do I belong? Who needs me?

And yesterday as he helped his sister move, I could see his shoulders square up. He literally saved the day along with another young man who brought a truck to help with a heavy mattress.

My daughter and I had no problem needing men yesterday and I was so proud of her as she expressed respect and appreciation for the men’s strength and help. Ironically, the two young men lit up doing exactly what she needed.

Biological design lines up with Biblical order, because the God of the Bible created biological design. Fascinating, life giving, encouraging and affirming of both genders–we simply cannot improve this.

God designed good men to want to care for and protect women. And I want to say to all women, even to those who’ve been hurt by a man, that women need good men.

We had a talk there in the car, my boy and I. Femininity and masculinity are both under attack in our culture, and I want my children to know deeply the calling God has on their lives.

My son is the first to open my door when we go out. I trained him for this, on purpose, by standing to the side of the door until he got there. And the other day when I asked him what the newest thing was that he learned on his phone, he said, “How to be a good husband someday.”

Yesterday as I spoke with another woman struggling with betrayal, I spoke to her of womanhood, how even us single ladies can inspire the world with feminine manners that call out the best in people around us.

We don’t need a husband to do this, though we wish for one. We can still embody what we’ve always wanted to be. We can refuse the attitude of “I don’t need a man” and instead hold on to gratefulness for the good men in the world.

We can still be fully woman and fully alive.

And here’s the thing—ladies, you don’t need a perfect man in order to be a grace-filled woman. If he provides for you, is faithful to you, and seeks to love you, be grateful every day. Look for the ways he’s showing love even if it’s different than what you want. And if you need him to show love another way, ask him for that specifically. But please don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder if you have a truly good, but imperfect, husband.

Tell him you appreciate him, often.

Notice his good qualities and speak them out loud.

Let him come home to peace—and remember, peace is a gift for your children, too.

Look him in the eyes and smile. Like, truly meet his eye with a smile.

When he comes home after a long day of labor, let him rest. If you’re a stay at home mom, please don’t nag at him to fold laundry unless you truly need help because of babies, etc.

If you’re a working mom, let him know you need his support when you both get home.

Be specific and gracious in your requests. Men want to be asked for a need they can meet rather than be nagged for a need they didn’t meet, because they were never asked.

I’m here to call out gratefulness for the faithful man.

This man may not be as romantic as you want him to be. He may not know any of your favorite therapy phrases or personality tests or attachment styles. He may kick off his boots inside your door and drape his coat over your dining room chair.

He may love God but not be the best teacher of each chapter in scripture.

I’m calling women to stop the comparison game and stare down the blessing of a man who loves you for life. Some of you are blessed to have all your bills paid without having to worry about it. Others of you are working alongside your husband to meet financial needs in a cost-hijacked world. Either way, your husband wants to know he’s your support and at the end of the day, you need him.

He wants to know you’re grateful.

He needs to know you admire him.

If that gives you struggle, I want to remind us ladies that admiration to a man is what love is to a woman. Today’s world embraces women who ask for love while it scorns men who need to be admired and respected. Yet, one is as good as the other because both are God-designed.

I defy divorce culture in the name of Jesus because I see a better way, a way that creates heaven-sent love into the hearts of our children and each other. I know it takes two, and one cannot do it alone—but one can always find their identity in Christ, obey His word, and leave the outcome to Jesus Who doesn’t force change on anyone.

Remember that if you follow Jesus in how you treat your spouse, change in your spouse is not guaranteed—but here’s the thing: obeying God will change YOU. And a love relationship with Jesus is worth having whether or not our spouse gives us the relationship we long for.

I speak this over you as a woman who tried (too hard) to save her marriage, and it broke anyway. God’s call for me as a woman always has been to carry myself with honor and dignity. It’s a “Yes, Lord” love relationship with Jesus that isn’t based on what I get or don’t get.

And I want you to know, married friends, that you can carry yourself with honor and joy with an imperfect husband. Be joyful, be grateful, address needs clearly, get your head out of the sand, and live free.

The Ancient of Days always has had, and always will have, ancient ways. Those ways aren’t feeling based; they are truth based–and they truly work for good.

Whoever dares plant their feet on the Rock of Ages will truly stand on something solid where the gift of God remains undeniably life giving, life changing, and life altering.

Today, look at your imperfect husband and speak it to him, “I appreciate you so much for—.”

Men need to be needed. And I will say to any woman, “Men ARE needed.”

The bulk of military is …..men.

Most hunters are……men.

Most construction workers…….men.

Strongest and tallest………..men.

Fastest to protect……..men.

And you want a baby? Well, I hate to break it to you but you need a…….man.

Tell him you appreciate him, today and often in the days to come.

In a world of dishonor, remember that your crowning glory as a woman is to honor those around you, and especially your husband.

Never let the world rob you of the dignity of womanhood. Because if we do, we lose the ability to encourage true manhood.

A sisterhood is truly thriving if it sees the value of brotherhood. And to all the ladies out there, if you meet my boys, please treat them like gentlemen who are needed in the world, with God given attributes different than your own because women do not have it all.

Together, as we celebrate both masculinity and femininity, we have what we need.

Love,

Sara

For My Single Moms

I looked at her face and thought, “Why is she in a church conference when she needs a spa?”

I knew why she was there—it wasn’t so much for thoughts on how to create a Biblical church. Craving more than isolation, she was there for community and friendship.

I asked her aside to a small room and saw relief. The doors closed and the next hours were spent laughing and crying as only two single moms can.

I’m writing for her, and I’m writing for other single moms who call me during the week. And I’m writing for the sincere and loving people who ask me, “What can we do to help crisis moms?”

My own story pales because I have a dad and brothers who are always there, making sure I’m okay. Many of the moms I speak to have neither dad, friend, or brother. And they are desperate.

I write for these moms and for those of you who have so kindly asked me how you can help. The answers are simple, but they do require a shift of expectation, and they do require sacrifice.

1. Ask questions before assuming anything.

I ask questions to the woman who tells me she’s thankful for little things, like being able to feel her back pain. Why is she thankful to feel pain?

Her ex-husband had sexually and physically hurt her for so many years that in order to cope, her bodily reactions to pain shut down and she became numb. Five years later as some wonder why she’s curled up in a ball with a blanket around her, I understand that the adrenaline it took to survive the years is just now wearing off.

None of us want to feel pain, and here she was, thankful just to feel again. Feeling is a gift we take for granted—but numbness isolates the human heart from life itself.

Feel the good.

Feel the bad.

Experience joy.

Experience sorrow.

Leaving an abusive marriage takes years of pushing forward. This means it may be 5-7 years later when the mind and body is able to grieve, because those first years are a push to survival. Like PTSD symptoms in soldiers often surfacing 7 years after battle, a single mom and her children may or may not only begin to face the truth of the past when life settles down again and there is time to think rather than survive.

Those who don’t understand this will judge and move away from a woman who “can’t seem to get over her sorrow to find joy.”

They’ll accuse her of being a victim rather than understanding that finally being able to feel her grief is the first step to her becoming a victor.

She’ll hear Bible verses on joy but won’t feel the whole message of the God of the Bible enveloping her in comfort and rest.

When we force premature healing, we encourage numbness. There are enough people in the world covering pain with humor, sarcasm, and avoidance. These are the ones who find it hard to love, connect, and establish long term, close relationships, either platonically or romantically.

My urgent message is this:

Families must be able to step out of their own experience and enter another’s crisis even years after people think it should be over by now.

Thank God a woman is able to feel again. Let her cry, and cry, and cry for as many years as it took being numb to avoid feeling physical pain inflicted onto her body. Sit with her and put your arm around her, but don’t expect her to talk or show up for every meeting. Allow her to belong with no expectations.

The mind can and will create new nuero-pathways which will help the body regulate. This is often a slow and misunderstood process, hindered even further by judgment.

When a woman feels emotionally safe, she can heal faster. None of her energy should have to be spent navigating hurtful comments. Unfortunately, because the church is often unaware of the crisis happening right under its pulpit, it is even more ill-equipped to handle it properly when abuse is brought to light.

Because of this, I write. Ladies, throw a blanket around her shoulders and pull her in close. Men, add her son to yours for all the things.

2. Consider her family, not a visitor.

My parents were great at this. I grew up in a home filled with single women or children from broken homes. Because my dad was trust-worthy, my mom never worried about other females being around. We had a familial atmosphere for us, yes, but we extended our table and opened our doors to anyone who needed the same.

Family is not an end; it is a means to an end. In other words, family is a gift from God not to hoard but to use as a ministry platform. We hear it often—marriage should do more for the kingdom, not less—then we get married and turn our houses into our own rather than into homes of service for God.

I honestly believe this is why so many Christian women seem bored, dissatisfied, and able to create problems out of nothing. The human heart is designed to feel restless until it finds its rest in God—which means we’re so busy with our Father’s business that we have no time for unnecessary drama or self-inflicted pity.

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress.” (James 1:27a)

This means we don’t say, “Sorry, I can’t have your child over because we’re going out with friends.” A mom goes to work while her child sits at home alone while two families go out to have fun for the day, somehow because adding another child would kill the vibe they’ve set their expectations on.

Perfect love often disrupts the idea of perfect family days, and makes them even better. We get to add family. These kids don’t need to feel like they can visit when it’s convenient; they need to feel like they belong.

Belonging isn’t convenient—it just is. It’s a thing, a gift, a state of existence every human being should be able to experience. A child robbed of it needs it more than ever, but it has to be created, on purpose.

Children whose father abandons them (usually after physical or emotional abuse) heal much better if another family remains. A child should be able to say, “He was always there when my own father wasn’t.”

The slogan needs to become “Adopt a single mom’s child” rather than “Let’s reach out to them when it fits our schedule.”

Scripture says, “He settles the solitary in a home.” (Psalm 68:6, ESVa)

3. Get rid of your own fear.

Two moms told me that holding babies was comforting to them. One was told that she’s using babies as a drug and to top it off, both were judged for perhaps being a pedophile.

One of the moms was already rejected, alone, and had suffered more than most of the rest of America put together. Of course she needed to hold babies. I don’t have words to express my righteous anger on this–but may I only hear this twice from single moms, and never again.

Christian wives need to repent of hurting moms in crisis with their own fearful outlook on life.

4. Single moms are not a threat.

Most single moms will take a bullet before they take your husband.

Yes, they’re single, and yes, there should be appropriate boundaries.

This could look like group texts, an appropriate amount of people in the room, etc. A single mom never needs to be alone with your husband or even text him solo. It is easy and appropriate to set up group texts rather than texts between her and your husband.

But I have never seen more fear and judgment toward single moms than from conservative Christian wives. Ladies, I speak to you frankly. If you can’t trust your husband, that is yours and his problem, not the single mom’s.

If you’re threatened by her beauty, take it to God and allow your own beauty to shine.

If you’re threatened by the fact she takes care of her body, listen to your own inner longing and start taking care of yours.

If she’s vulnerable and feminine, and you know in your heart of hearts that Godly men rise to help women like this, allow that knowledge to create in you a desire to be feminine and vulnerable with your own husband.

Again, if she has something you do not, it is not her problem—but an invitation from God to observe something you admire and create the same in yourself.

Single women are often from marriages where husbands demanded and expected her to take care of her body. After he’s gone, she will want to do so out of love for God and herself rather than out of fear of being discarded.

I would love to not hear this over the phone, “I shouldn’t have to be ugly in order to not be a threat.”

Or, “I can’t wait to be a grandma so that women don’t feel threatened.”

Christian wives, this is your invitation to create in yourself what you fear in her.

Leaves are falling on my laptop as I write these words, and they are beautiful. Brown and fallen, but lovely in their season.

And as the church becomes aware of ways to help rather than hurt women and children in crisis, it can add beauty to the dark season of their lives.

Hope is never out of reach within communal love.

5. Make sure she’s okay financially.

I grew up watching my dad dig deep into his pockets for vulnerable women and children. One year he bought a mobile home and hauled it to our yard for two women who showed up for coffee and had no place to go. Until the home was ready, he and mom gave up their bedroom and moved upstairs. Even when the home was set up, either of them walked across the yard in the mornings to join our family table for breakfast.

It wasn’t always fun, but it was always good. And because it was good, it was blessed by God. And because it was blessed by God, the family was more okay than if we’d have saved our happy walls for ourselves.

Another friend I know has had 15 foster children in and out of his home. Active love doesn’t look the same for everyone, but it should be overtly obvious that sacrifice is made for the orphan and widow.

It hurts to hear a single mom tell me she worked six 12-hour days a week to become financially stable. This, during the worst crisis I’ve heard from my moms. This, and it shouldn’t be this way.

Pure religion isn’t going to church, dressed well. Pure religion is to relieve the distress on widows and orphans.

I didn’t realize the beauty of my parent’s life-style until I became a single mom in crisis. Dad and mom never experienced crisis of my own nature, but they were tapped into the heart of God long before they had a daughter in crisis. They did for another’s daughter long before they did for their own.

Because in the body of Christ, no one should ever feel alone. The family of God reaches far and wide, and it knows no boundaries when it comes to love.

In the love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit who work together in perfect harmony, gift your moms in crisis the same love.

Thanks for asking, sincerely. And thanks for allowing me to pen these honest answers.

For the Cause of Hope,

Sara D.

How Grace Changes Us

I always feel badly for people who fast, and I’m like, “Don’t tell me you’re fasting because I’ll feel sorry for you all day long—or days long.”

And because life often takes more energy than I have, the last several years I’ve focused on keeping my physical energy by feeding my body. The amount of meals I eat just to keep energy has me telling sister that I wish we’d be neighbors so she could feed me (best cook ever!) and I could return the favor by cleaning her house.

So it took extra courage to start the year with a ten day fruit and vegetable fast. I struggled. I spent hours more on the couch. I watched “Alone”, which is a documentary on men surviving in my beloved Pacific Northwest with no food sources except what’s around them in the sea and forest.

I knew I wasn’t as hungry as they were, but it felt like it. Day after day, I’d do my work then crash on the couch as my body adjusted and my spirit became more and more clear.

I woke praying one day, asking God what He wanted to speak to me. What did I need to rid my life from?

He nailed it. In difficult conversations, I didn’t actively listen enough. Thus began a deeper journey into how to love people better.

I thought I was a good friend, a good listener—but I also knew that in stressful situations my heart would squeeze tight with stress and I tried to remedy that with words that I hoped would help and eliminate the stress of the conversation.

In doing so, I’d transfer something onto another person that didn’t feel like love or care—even when that’s exactly what I wanted to be or show.

Here’s the thing about real grace—it’s free, yet was bought with a price. And something that expensive, given to us freely, is made to change, renew, restore a person into something better.

The oxymoron of accepting an expensive gift while putting it on the shelf for a later date (heaven) should strike us hard. The gift of grace is meant to draw us to our knees in repentance, allowing the light of it to shine onto places that are yet dark in our lives.

I repented of not listening better, the other day. I apologized to a friend who was on my heart. And I walked toward people rather than away from them.

I’m not good with conflict, but God is good, and He came to change atmospheres. Active listening is the best way to show someone you love them, yet most of us are good at actively speaking our own thoughts rather than actively hearing another’s heart.

It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong–because sometimes being understood is far less vital than making sure another feels heard. First, just listen with your presence.

The awesome thing about Grace is this—when heaven sheds its light onto something you’ve failed in, it also sheds its awareness of how you could grow.

Every time the Spirit of Christ nails something in me, I’m aware of deep, deep Love reaching out to heal, restore, change, and bring me to better things.

I feel safe with God even when I know I’m not representing Him well, and He has to create grief in my soul over it. “Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10, ESV)

See this—there’s no grief in Godly sorrow because it leads us to things that will save us, and bring salvation to others.

Our post modern, humanistic culture teaches us that we are enough, and that we should love ourselves the way we are. Friends, I’m here to tell you something different. We are not enough, and sometimes we’re actually quite messed up.

And if you expect your people to be enough, you’ll be disappointed because they will fail you, hurt you, and be less than you need.

But when we understand grace we can’t carry the weight of humanity’s mess any longer. The cross still stands, and it still eradicates sin, and when you can care deeply about a person and be unable to carry offense, you know that Grace has indeed won in your soul.

Fasting made God’s voice clearer. Things I knew before, I now really knew.

I had to give myself the same grace I wanted to give others. Rather than say, “Man, Sara, that was really dumb”, I needed to say, “Lord, I failed. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me. Thank you for showing me a better way.”

I realized, as I accepted Grace, that I was unable to carry the weight of it. Christ set me free.

The goal is to be spiritually, socially, emotionally, and relationally mature. We work hard at it—and yet, we have those areas God shows us are not aligned to love. Here, we get to bow before the cross and allow Grace to seep into our bones and marrow, changing who we are and what we are.

We extend the same grace to others. Most people don’t want to be mean or ill spoken. Most are just humans making mistakes, often born out of their own pain. And when a person is truly cruel, God will deal with him in his own time and way.

In the end, the universe needs Grace—this unmerited favor thing, this free yet costly thing—this counter cultural, life changing, heaven embracing thing that will change us if we truly receive it.

To celebrate Grace, here’s a book—because all of life takes reminders of how to bring Grace into the rough places and allow it to change atmospheres.

The blackened salmon salad today is great—but Grace is even better. Cheers to 2025, being renewed, restored, and living Grace.

Much love,

Sara

For the Joy of It

Yesterday my sister and I put Christmas hats on miniature goats, then took them for a walk in the snow. Both of us were unashamedly delighted and couldn’t stop laughing.

It didn’t matter what others thought of us, or whether someone wondered how two grown women could be that silly. We were absolutely thrilled at walking our favorite pets through a snowy December town.

My sister’s pet goats didn’t just happen; she worked for them. From a small outdoor shed, hay and feed, to a fence in her small town yard, she ran after what brought her joy—and in the process, God used these pets to form community in her small town.

She even took the goats to public school where she taught school each day. I’d watched her study and work for years to get her masters in teaching. I’d wondered what man would be good enough for this sister of mine, and I even listened on the phone as she worried that she was merely running after what she wanted—and what if her now- husband wasn’t God’s will for her?

But nothing stood in the way. No red flags and no major faults—just another awesome, yet imperfect man before her giving her the choice to choose his love, or walk away. So I encouraged her to simply lean into the gift of this man since that is what she desired.

A few years later, the joy of that goat walk was multifaceted after both of us hearing a sermon at church that day on “surrender”. Her kind husband, dreamt-of job, cozy little home, and quirky little pets had all culminated in her surrender to God’s yes.

I want us to consider a side of surrender that is just as important as the side we usually hear about. In order to see God, embracing His yes is as vital as agreeing to His no.

Christians often elaborate on the need to deny self, but we can only deny sin with victory when we’re satisfied that God is good in all He does. And a big part of that is walking in all the good things He offers.

It is actually damaging to others when we only attribute suffering and denial to a good God. People can struggle for decades with surrender when all they ever hear is how important it is to agree with God’s no.

What about God’s yes? Isn’t it just as vital to agree to all aspects of God? If we don’t embrace the gifts of God, we enter a bleak, monk-like asceticism where we struggle to surrender to God.

Asceticism is not surrender; it is as ungodly as selfishness because it is not of God.

Surrender means loving God and being filled with God, after which we run after the gifts of God while simultaneously agreeing with God when He says no.

Anything not of God we refuse and every desire given by God we embrace.

Refusing the gifts of God is as harmful as refusing to surrender our desires to God.

Embrace both God’s no and His yes. Simply embrace God, then look to see what He’s created you to be, in a mortal body with an immortal spirit.

Did you know God created your body and soul as much as your spirit? That you are eternal, starting the moment you were conceived in the womb? That earth is a passage way to glory and everlasting bliss?

Even here, we are created in the image of God for the glory of God.

Sister, God created your mind, will, emotions, and body for His glory.

Your body is not sin, but it can sin.

Your emotions are not sin, but they can become sin.

Your will is not sin, but it can lead you to sin.

When you’re in tune with Jesus, He will give you desires in line with His will. What is burning on your heart? Could it be that understanding surrender is understanding that some of our desires are placed there by God, and the holiest, most surrendered thing we can do is lean into, run after, and embrace the longings placed there by Him?

He wants to accomplish good things, sisters. So it remains that a large part of surrender is not usually even mentioned by the church.

We are told to give up and surrender what we want, but we are not taught to lean into desires placed there by God, and run after them.

Follow hard after God.

Say yes when God says yes.

Say no when God says no.

Remember that when God says no, He’s leading you toward His best yes.

And just as much, remember that when God says yes, saying no to yourself will only lead you into bondage. Some of the worst bondage I’ve seen is from people who focus on the wrongs of the world rather than the rights of a good, good Father.

Asceticism is not surrender just as grabbing things selfishly is not surrender.

The only blessed, joyful, holy union with God is a whole hearted yes to His blessing and design for our humanity, and a whole hearted surrender to His no when He says no.

Our greatest longing is satisfied in union with God and His ways for the entirety of our body, soul, and spirit.

In this way, surrender becomes a joy rather than a teeth gritting sacrifice we can barely do. God becomes GOOD.

God is the safest, most blessed, most healthy option for you. Lean into Him! Enjoy everything He created you to enjoy and this will help you surrender things He asked you not to indulge in.

Surrender doesn’t necessarily mean we lose an opportunity, but it changes our posture in that blessing. We enjoy it even more when we see God in it. And we can’t enjoy it fully when God isn’t in it.

Remember that you won’t get an audible word from heaven for all decisions. Sometimes God places strong desires in our hearts and we dismiss them, attributing them to mere carnality that needs to be “laid down”.

I’m here to tell you that full surrender to God includes picking up blessings He’s giving to us.

Being satisfied in God happens in union with God. There, in His presence, we are free to inhale His blessings and empowered to resign things we know are not from Him. His yes will fill you with wonder and His no will lead you to internal, eternal worship.

Just be full of Christ, and inhale.

Three Steps to Making Friends

A few Sundays ago I invited complete strangers into my home.

Enter, the big front door pushes open with a grind because it’s 118 years old, but Sunday morning coffee on the porch calls for hello’s from all kinds of neighbors. Somehow, we form community over old houses and love to peek inside each other’s homes.

The old wall paper greeted them warmly while my 17 year old daughter tried to greet them warmly, but of course, as soon as they were out the door, “Mama, don’t you know we don’t want strangers in our house on a Sunday morning?”

Yeah. What 17 year old girl wants a couple in their 30’s talking with her about paint colors and architecture while she eats her cereal with messy hair and an unwashed face? Poor baby. But I smile merrily and tell her “That’s a great way to make friends—they wanted to peek inside this old house.”

By the time the couple left, she’d given me her number and they’d parted with “Call us if you ever need anything at all—my husband is handy!”

Ladies, do you know how to bless a single mom? Give her your number with offers to help if the plumbing leaks or the bathroom fan gives out, or the water heater spills into old wooden floors. You get the picture. I wish I had a husband to offer services to all my single mom friends—because here’s the thing—making friends is not a technique; it’s a lifestyle.

But, here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way, moving to places I knew little to no one:

1. When you meet a person, it’s all about them, not about ourselves.

Immediately after hello’s, now is the time to ask thoughtful questions that engage a response. Rather than changing the course back to yourself, the time is still ripe to ask another thoughtful question based on what they told you.

People light up when another is genuinely interested in their lives. And this kind of person is rare. I always notice when someone is able to talk extensively without focusing mostly on themselves.

After a painful divorce, it seemed I processed verbally a whole lot. My friends were more patient with me than I was with myself. But there was a time where enough was enough, and years of healing had to lead me into a new focus on others. Still, I had to pace myself. Crowds were too much sometimes, and I struggled to engage—but a life skills course took me back to who I used to be as I remembered that thriving in a crowd means taking an interest in the person beside me.

I put it in practice after a service recently, and a complete stranger said, “We should be friends”, then shared her information with me. I need to follow up and have her over—but get this, it took mere minutes of me asking her about herself and her life rather than rushing off to preserve my own mental space.

When I talk with strangers, I keep reminding myself, “This is not about me.”

2. Be flexible and open.

Tonight my kitchen is full of five boys eating rice and talking about buggers. Yes, buggers. It was nauseating but I laughed more tonight than I would have if my kitchen was empty.

It all happened impromptu when friends who had David for the weekend asked if I’d watch their boys while they went on a date. Of course I said yes and of course I cooked a huge pot of rice to eat with crock pot chicken and of course I pulled out the popsicles from the freezer.

But of course I was also glad the five boys chose to crowd around the old wooden island for their sticky rice rather than head for my lovely dining room. And of course I also disappeared after dinner while they did dishes.

I love friendships with people of all ages. Another mom’s children, elderly widow neighbors, fellow singles, both guys and girls alike. Every human being we encounter may offer the chance of a blessing, hopefully both ways, but always from us to them.

Being others focused allows us to create an atmosphere that delights others and makes them excited to be around us. We should be a space of warmth, love, and care for each person, even in the grocery line. Don’t be too shy to smile and compliment strangers—it can make another’s day!

Making friends takes only a few ingredients: a keen interest in others, and a warm invitation to your personal space, including your heart. When the time is right, open your soul with those who hold is safely. Be vulnerable.

Celebrate others. Take every opportunity to call out the good in others. “I love your sweater—where did you find it?” kind of comments has brightened many a stranger’s face. What women doesn’t want to feel beautiful?

3. Last but not least, remember that not everyone is meant to be your friend.

Respect that some of the best people already have too much going on and have no capacity for more. Learn to see those in the crowd who need and want friends.

The goal is not always to make a personal friend, but to bless another’s personal life in the few moments you enter their space.

Some will be mere acquaintances.

Some will be friends.

And some will be, as Anne of Green Gables says, “Bosom friends.” for a lifetime.

When you find those, hang onto them tightly and never let go. Work through fights and failures, and always keep coming back. Forgive big and love even bigger. Say “I’m sorry” even when you don’t need to, and say it ten times over when you truly do need to.

The real ones will forgive you and the ones who use you for their own gratification won’t. Let them go and be thankful their true motives were revealed. A real friend won’t demand perfection and will forgive mistakes.

Love. It’s all about love for this universe of people created in the image of God for the glory of God.

Thanks to all you readers for being hidden friends in the line of words spilling across the screen, and sometimes, the page.

Love to all,

Sara

The Miracle Car

There are two things in life that make me feel like I can handle what comes my way—a working car and a cell phone.

So, when an elderly couple crashed into my car on a busy highway a few weeks ago, I sat on the side of the road waiting for police, thankful no one was hurt, yet wondering why this happened and what I was going to do.

On my way to pick up a rental car, I shed some tears thinking about events connected to my white car. I’ve driven it to the ground for the past almost six years, always remembering the miracle this car has been.

That day my ex-husband had gotten a red jacked-up truck and I knew, somehow, that it was to impress other girls, not me.

That day he packed his bags.

Those days I lived ten minutes from him and his 16 year old girlfriend, and would see them on the road together in the big truck as I passed them in the mini van that had so many problems the kids were shivering in the cold and transmission fluid leaked constantly onto the ground.

But also, the day I waited at a church for therapy (trust me, I needed lots and lots) and ran into someone who had hoped to meet someday. They ended up being like parents and took me for a day of car shopping. I’ll always remember driving home in my beautiful, warm, white car, paid for in full from my air bnb venture.

I no longer felt degraded as I’d pull up to his place to pick up the kids. The white car was a reminder that God was loving me, watching out for me, and present in my life—helping me pull things off when I’d ever only been a stay at home mom with little experience in the business world.

When we moved to the east coast, my brothers loaded that white car into a trailer and drove it across the country for me. The change from Pacific northwest culture to southern living was drastic but I had this constant reminder that God was with me everywhere I went.

But after some years, paint was peeling on the hood, the seat wouldn’t come forward to prop up my back, and the miles were adding up. Still, I refused to sell it or fix it and I kept driving this steady friend of a car until that sudden crash into the right side of the car warranted insurance to count it a total loss.

I fought their diagnosis but got nowhere, and pulled up to the rental car hoping my eyes didn’t show tears—but who cares if they did? The gentleman helping me was very kind and in the end as he handed me keys to a dazzling 2022 Toyota, he asked if I was an author. I told him he must be thinking of Lauren Daigle, the music artist.

“No,” he said, “My wife read your book and it changed our lives. When I saw your name come in today I looked you up to see if it was the same person.”

Women of Purpose: A Daily Devotional for Discovering a Meaningful Life in Christ https://a.co/d/cJIX0af

I stood there, hot, dirty, stressed, and all the way across the country from where the book had been written. And you can’t keep sunglasses over crying eyes in an office no matter how much you want to.

“Keep doing good,” he told me over and over. And I spoke it out gently, “Say hi to your wife for me.” We smiled in that raw moment of humanity, each aware that God was up to something.

I drove away knowing that the same God who helped me purchase my white car six years ago was still with me, still knew me in the fiber of my being, and still moved on my behalf.

The book that blessed his wife was birthed out of pain that was causing suicidal thoughts, many years prior. But once I started writing, I couldn’t stop—and in a smothered world, I found an opening for my voice. I remember my fingers flying across the keyboard of my $25 yard sale laptop as if the Holy Spirit Himself was making them move.

Words would form in my head as the kids played around me and I’d grab that laptop, type fast for thirty minutes, put it aside, and make dinner. It was only later that the same God who wrote through me made sure it turned into a book.

This morning a tow truck pulled into my driveway, loaded up my miracle car, and drove away while I walked into the house with tears in a peaceful sort of way.

Tears aren’t always sad. Sometimes they’re loaded with remembering things you’ve stuffed back for years. Sometimes they remind you to say good-bye to memories. Sometimes they let you know it’s okay to feel again, even after six years—because get this—there is no timeline for grief.

Yet, there is no space in time for bitterness or unforgiveness. If you refuse bitterness, God will help you by His Holy Spirit to sort out the grief over a span of time that looks differently for everyone. After awhile, you’ll notice that your tears are not always sorrow, but a soft realization of the tender mercies of God over your life.

He knows you intimately. He arranges things. And I rather think he allowed an elderly gentleman to crash into my car to help me say goodbye to it while I could still get some financial benefit from it.

Otherwise, I’d have called it my widow’s oil and driven it til it dropped. God knew I needed a car without things to repair, He knew I needed encouragement from the agent, and He knew I needed to get rid of my car and drive a better one.

He also knew my sister and brother in law needed to sell their car before heading back to Greece in a few weeks, and their car was a perfect fit for my little family.

Then, he knew a few girls would drive my car from Pennsylvania to North Carolina, visit friends, and all I’d have to do was pick it up 40 minutes from home while they flew back home.

Early Sunday morning, 6:30 am, my daughter dropped me off in the departure lane at the airport before they pulled up, then hopped out while I hopped in and drove away in my “new” car with a bit of the same feeling I’d had six years earlier when I bought the white car.

He does things.

He arranges things.

According to His will, in His time, and in His way.

And with Him, for Him, and by Him we are more than conquerors because all things work for good to those who love Him.

See that—ALL THINGS—because He is over all and cannot be undone.

May you know Grace in your very bones and marrow,

Sara

Why I Bought a 118 Year Old House

For the past four and a half years, even though my rentals were decent, sweet little homes, I’ve felt like I live in a hotel room.

The place I left behind in Washington state was part of my heart and soul. I loved the mountains, river, wrap-around porch, and tall trees protecting the brown, gable roofed house where four levels were inhabited by happy children and guests.

Moving to the south east with four children had me praying a lot, asking God for answers, and wanting to feel at home. I had a down payment for a house, but not for matching sky-rocketing prices in the surrounding Charlotte area. So, I resigned to not buying a home.

But God had a surprise waiting for me, just around the corner.

My mom came to visit and one day browsed her phone for homes in the area. Knowing how much I wanted to settle inside my own walls, she looked for anything possible, and in five minutes God led her to the one thing that felt impossible.

A beautiful 118 year old Victorian style foreclosure stared at us from the screen and begged to be seen. So, we did—and miracle of miracles, that same “at home” feeling came over me as it had with my home in Washington state.

Before and after cleaning the front yard.

So began a series of phone calls with my dad asking his advice, and making multiple lower offers they didn’t accept until I finally offered full price as well as closing costs.

I expected them to accept the offer on my birthday but instead, they put it up for auction and I was devastated. Still, I knew there had to be a reason and I prayed that day, pondering life as I took the kids hiking, determined to make the most of my 44^th birthday.

A few days later I had my joy back and was moving on from the house idea when my realtor told me they were going to accept my offer and were merely missing papers because he hadn’t submitted the correct ones.

Thus began a journey of purchasing an ancient home with a complicated foreclosure process, a toilet with a copper pipe and water tank mounted close to the ceiling, and enough charm oozing out of old wooden floors to keep me fascinated for the rest of my life.

The house had been winterized and I didn’t know if there’d be leaks when the city turned on water. Cleaning day was set and water was figured out only the day before, but each time stress wanted to mount high, the Lord would powerfully remind me that He’s taking care of things and I just needed to trust.

It was almost like He’d speak to me in the car, telling my heart to quiet down because He had this. Thus began a beautiful process of God doing things.

Friends helped me clean it, and then, one of them sent her husband to take over my yard work. I’d been out there with gloves but after a few hours had barely made a dent in weeds and must have been bitten by a thousand mosquitos. Inch by inch, I knew I’d get it done.

My friends thought otherwise and before I knew what was happening, an excavator was in my yard along with a crew of eight men. All I did was come by after work, day after day, to watch the overwhelming task unfold into a beautiful, clean space.

I cried grateful tears in front of the whole crew.

My neighbor watched and said one day, “Sometimes God just does things.”

The kids and I have found home.

After the back yard process.

Every day, I feel like I’m living a dream. The peace is palpable here, and the feeling of home is in every corner. The toilet still stands and I am as determined as ever to keep and restore the ancient, rusted, leaking tank towering above me close to the ceiling.

A friend took a look at the rusty old tank, looked at me and asked, “You want to keep this toilet?”

I’d never felt so certain of anything, so the next words out of his mouth became, “Ok then, we’ll find a way to fix it.”

For now, water drips into a glass mason jar while I choose to focus on the joy of a freshly painted, white claw foot tub that used to be blue with gold feet before I took a brush to it. Some things have to be changed immediately, while other things take time and perhaps years, like room after room of funky paint colors and wall papers.

The furniture we already had fit like a glove inside these walls, all the way down to my son’s pool table creating a billiard room, and the table I’d brought all the way from my Washington state air bnb, creating a chess corner under stained glass windows.

Inside these walls, some colors I love, some I tolerate, and some I endure. We find most joy when life doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be wondrously beautiful.

I’ve always loved turning houses into homes, and I hope my story of this miracle in a difficult real estate world encourages you to trust God with your desires, year after year after year—whether you’re laughing or crying—keep trust, grow in faith, and know that doing the next right thing can only lead you forward, closer to His heart.

I don’t say God is good because He brought me a dreamy house that makes me feel at home. I would say He is good even if it hadn’t worked out—because here’s the wonderful thing about a heavenly God—He is always good even when earth is not.

First Fourth of July in our new old home.

Keep faith in HIM alone. He is our Rock, and He knows when to move.

Love from my home to yours,

Sara

Live as if You Were Dying

Watching four children walk up stage to express love for their father, in tears, broke me a little today. Two of the girls were engaged and had lost their dad just before their weddings. Everyone was in tears, and what they loved most about the man who passed away was his love for gathering with others and creating spaces where people enjoyed each other’s company.

I knew it was true because I’d experienced it from him, too. He was always interested in meaningful conversation and as his daughter said, “He made me feel like I was the smartest woman in the room.”

What a beautiful thing for a daughter to be able to say.

But what can we all do to create the same sense of love and belonging as he did?

I love birthday parties where we all gather in a circle and take turns sharing what we love about the birthday person.

Sometimes, a birthday gift is a remodeled bathroom, like this son did for his mother.

Usually, he or she is squirming—and I wonder why we are all so uncomfortable with encouragement, as if perfection was needed before we accept that we truly are a blessing in so many ways.

We usually hear most of the good about someone at their memorial service when they are no longer there to hear it. There’s not a person on earth who doesn’t need to know they are needed, loved, and valued while they’re living.

It hit me, this thing of living as if we were dying. Someday, I’ll be in the grave. I have four children, too.

I bought a house yesterday, then called my oldest daughter last night to check in on her. A mother’s nest is never empty, even after her babies have flown. “What are you doing this weekend, and do you want to join the other kids and I to have dinner at the new house, and just hang out there together?”

She jumped on it. And I remembered a week prior that she’d asked me to please invite her to do things with us. I’d been a little surprised because I thought she knew how much she was loved and wanted in this family—by her mother, especially.

I agreed quickly. She was twenty years old, and I wanted my ceiling to be her floor. If she never had another woman wanting her to pass her up and go far beyond, she’d have that from her mother. And I always wanted her around. But, she needed to hear it.

The man who passed away had been able to travel and do expensive things, but I’m a single mom. Often, as I’m working, I open Instagram to see my friends flying to other places of the world with their husbands, relaxing by turquoise colored waters with a margarita in hand. Sometimes they’re surrounded by happy children—and I think of my own, and how I want to give them all the above, too.

I may not be flying to the Bahamas, but I can order pizza and gather my kids into the new kitchen that’s actually 118 years old. I won’t hear my daughter express excitement over flying to Europe, but I’ll hear her say, “I can bring my own children to this house someday” and I realize that creating home for children even after they’re adults is far more meaningful than being able to fly to another country for a week or two.

We’ll always look back and laugh over the days we drove six hours in one day to have about the same amount of time at Wilmington Beach. How we’d pack sandwiches so we wouldn’t have to buy coastal food, and how we’d head three hours home when we wanted to head to the closest hotel room over looking white sand and crashing blue waves.

We won’t be sinking into soft white pillows to the sound of waves; we’ll be driving through the sunset with sand between our toes and the younger kids falling asleep brown from the sun and stomachs full of ice cream because we decided to spend at least a little bit of money that day.

What will matter is that we gathered, we laughed, we expressed appreciation for each other. And here’s the thing, mamas out there—your sixteen year old may gripe about the food in your pantry but when she’s twenty, she’ll re-word her complaints into “I can’t believe I used to gripe about your food, mom. You bought food for four children and I’m just feeding myself.”

Parents, don’t compare yourselves to others who can do more. Like Mary did when she poured ointment on Jesus’ feet, let’s do what we can with what we have. When Mary was criticized and told she should have done something different with her oil, Jesus told the critics to leave her alone, and said, “She has done what she could.” (Mark 14:8)

Some of us don’t do what we can do because we’re focused on what we can’t do. I want us to live fully and take what we have with both hands, hold it, ponder it, and then give it out—first of all to our families, then to those around us.

Let’s live as if we’re dying—because one day, our tongues will be silent and our hands will be still.

I want us to gather as if tomorrow was the last day we were able to see others.

I want us to steer conversations into words of life that give grace to those who hear them.

I want us to live FORWARD because we know the Father of mercies, the God of comfort, and the Spirit of healing and hope.

Let’s not wait for a memorial service to express appreciation for each other; let’s live as if we are going to die.

Because we often say, “I’d be willing to die for you.” Can we say with equal confidence “I’m going to live for you”?

Because only in living well can we die well. And only in dying to ourselves, can we truly live.

“Except a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” John 12:24, ESV

Purity–What is it?

Guest post by: Johnny Davis

What do you think of when you hear the word purity when it comes to romantic relationships specifically?

If I were a betting man, I would say sex came to your mind. If it was not the first thought, it was not far from the top 3 thoughts on the word. For years purity has been intertwined with sex and virginity. We have had teachings given, books written, talking about the importance of purity that really are talking about staying a virgin before marriage. Some saying the fight for your virginity is the thing that will make your marriage strong. How your virginity is this ultimate treasure that you give your spouse, making this almost magical.

I remember one teaching in specific I grew up with where an older man took a tissue box. He said it represented our gift we bring into marriage. Every physical display of affection we did took a tissue from the box, making it less valuable when we got married. I will be very open and vulnerable to help people hopefully not take my words in the wrong intention. I am a 33 year old virgin. I have never struggled with pornography or masturbation. Just those two sentences ether have people amazed or calling me a liar in my experience. I am not writing this to give anyone permission to sleep around. Quite the opposite, I want to give a full and more realistic approach to talking about purity.

I looked up the definition of purity for this blog. The simple definition is “not mixed with any other substance or contamination”.

Let me first point what purity is not.

Purity is not:

-Simply being a virgin before marriage

-defined just by what you’ve done physically with someone (kiss, oral, sex, etc)

-a label that sticks with you forever when you slip up

Purity is actually something that has to do with your body, soul and spirit. A person is just as un-pure if they struggle with gossip, anger, self image issues or practicing new age/witchcraft activities as someone who has sex before marriage. We need to expand what we do to try to stay pure outside of the overly simplified no-sex-before marriage goal. Now let’s get real and a little blunt for a moment shall we?

Your virginity is not the most important thing you bring to your marriage. In fact, it is a brief moment in your marriage history that will only be referenced when talking about purity or your journey to marriage.

I have a challenge for you if you don’t believe me. Go to anyone that has been married 5 or more years and ask them what the key to keeping their marriage intact is. I will give you 20 dollars if they even mention the fact they were virgins going in to marriage. In my 15 years of walking with Jesus, I have never heard a married couple says something like

“We praise God so much we gave each other our virginity, as it has just been the key to saving and keeping our marriage intact!’

Let’s look at the most common issues in marriage that somehow being a virgin going into marriage does not magically fix.

-Virginity will not set you up to deal with miscommunication

-Virginity will not prevent anger issues that lead to things like verbal or physical abuse

-Virginity will not prevent affairs

-Virginity will not help you be more loving or romantic with your partner

-Virginity will not make you more trusting or get rid of all your previous marriage

So what is to stop all these young people acting like rabbits before marriage? If we don’t scare them into “purity”, they will just go around sleeping with each other.

Why we shouldn’t have sex before marriage:

-it can lead to STDs and unplanned pregnancy

-Sex outside of covenant (marriage) can actually create intimacy issues

-Like most other things that produce “good feelings” we can create an unhealthy addiction to it that damages us going forward

-Soul ties are no joke. Sex really is an intimate act that, as overly spiritual as it may sound, gives yourself to another. I actually saw this before I ever got saved.

-Its actually what God calls us to

The stereo typical purity message I and many grew up with tried to make purity solely about virginity to get young people to have a value for not sleeping around. Though if we were just upfront and honest, and talked about these things, we could still have that same impact.

Making purity over focused on sexual purity like so many have done leads to unfortunate consequences like:

-When people do this and their marriage falls apart, they feel lied to, used, and many times worthless like they have nothing to give the next person they want to attempt marriage with

-People who get saved later in life can feel like since they didn’t have a value for this before, them not being a virgin makes them less of a prize for anyone in the church looking to get married.

-They find out from their none Christian friends who didn’t adhere to these standards who still have healthy marriages, and start to feel like it was all just manipulation

-Sex becomes this unclean, evil thing that people start to fear, following them into marriage, causing confusion internally of feeling like sex is bad but necessary in marriage.

To wrap this up, I loved what a friend said about this topic. Virginity is not the most important thing you bring to your marriage. The most important things you bring into a marriage is your love, your kindness, your patience. In the full picture of your marriage, your virginity will become a memory of one night of hopefully thousands of nights. Chances are it won’t even be that memorable except laughing at how you both had no idea what you were doing. There are plenty of reasons to not have sex outside marriage. It is not, however, this key to a successful and happy married life. Let’s not put unnecessary responsibility to it that if we just focus on not having sex, everything will just magically be perfect because of it.

Purity of mind, emotion, voice, and energy has to do with a wholistic look at health. Emotional and relational intelligence are as important, if not even more important, as sexual purity. How you treat another is of utmost value in the art of LOVE.

(If you have struggled with things like shame, disappointment, or frustration due to messages like the one I am speaking about, I am truly sorry. My heart does ache thinking of the unintentional damage this has caused so many. I pray that Jesus is able to come in like only He can and heal those places of your heart. One thing I often try to keep in mind is we as humans, we make mistakes with the best of intentions. We are hurt and broken which often causes us to create that in others even when we don’t realize it. You are loved and valued by Jesus no matter what your past looks like, and He has amazing plans for you that will redeem even the biggest hurts and hang-ups in your life).

By: Johnny Davis

How to Handle Rejection

Guest post by: Johnny Davis

Rejection-everyone’s favorite topic!

I want to open this by saying what needs to be said, “Rejection sucks“. I don’t want to talk about rejection in a stereotypical, “This bad thing is really just a blessing in disguise.” My goal is not to make rejection feel good, but to help us handle it better when talking about dating in church.

In this blog, I want to talk about handling rejection, and the less spoken about other side, how to turn someone down in a healthy way when they want to pursue you.

When we experience rejection, we have so many thoughts run through our mind. All sorts of what if’s, maybe if I’s, and why couldn’t statements flood our mind. But, rejection is not failure when it comes to dating. Success in dating is not about getting in a relationship with a specific person. The goal should be finding the right person you can grow and build a life with. Things not working out with a person romantically is never going to be a great feeling, but if we lower the stakes in our own heads, we can lessen the negative feelings associated with it.

We should always be growing in some way in our lives. Becoming a better version of ourselves. When someone rejects you for a relationship, my best advice is 2 things.

-Get closer to God in that moment/season

Process the emotions with God. Ask God what maybe you need to work on. Ask God to satisfy you in that season where you feel probably more lonely. It sounds cliché in the church but a big goal should be to get closer to God when we go through hard seasons.

-Use the rejection as a motivation to work on yourself

Take the rejection as a moment to reflect on ways you could become a better you for the next person. Do not get so caught up in it that you make pages of flaws and feel like you have no good qualities. But, face your flaws honestly. Lose the weight, sharpen your conversation, become more emotionally and socially aware. My goal outside of getting closer to God is to continue to work on myself so when I do get that yes, I can be as ready as I can be.

Guys, the biggest favor you can do yourself when you try to pursue someone and the interest is not there on the other end, let it go. Don’t try to hold on to them or hope they change their mind soon. I know it is hard to do at times. They may have turned you down for bad reasons. As much of a bummer that could be, you have to let it go and move on. Could that person have a moment where they “wake up” and realize they made a huge mistake? Maybe. Though if you hold on to that like we see in the Hollywood romcom movies, you will only hinder yourself. You will only get frustrated at that person the longer you wait, and you could miss out on some amazing other options that pass by you in the meantime.

But the positive thing about rejection is this:

When a person lets you know the relationship is not or would not work for them, they are doing you a favor. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Them letting you know that is a great thing! You are right for someone, but not for them.

This may not be fun, but knowing you are right for someone else will take the sting away. Broaden your horizons and start considering people outside your normal type. Your person could be one of those!

How to reject someone like a boss….or just like a more healthy person.

I have seen, and if I am vulnerable, have experienced, some really bad rejections in dating situations in the church. I see things done with the best of heart intentions. No one wants to be heartless or mean, but we often shift it to the other side of the extreme which causes as much pain. Rather than the clear “I am not interested in you”, I often see/hear things like

-“I am just not ready to date yet.”

-You are like a brother or sister to me.”

-“God has not told me that you are my future spouse.”

I get the heart of not wanting to hurt someone and letting them down gently. But, lying is not just giving false information; it is also hiding truth. I promise you, being honest about your lack of interest will cause much less damage than making up an excuse to try to be nice. When you say you are not ready to date, how do you think it looks a month later when you are dating another person? Don’t make excuses or try to sneak around the truth. You can be truthful but do it in a respectful and loving way.

Simply say, “You are a great person, but I’m not interested in anything romantic with you.” Girls, this is hard to say but the guys need to hear it clearly if that’s where you’re at.

Rejection is not a fun feeling. Nothing we can do will make rejection a cheerful, happy moment. But we can learn how to handle rejection well, and learn how to give rejection healthily as well.

If we all come together and work on this, I feel we could create a way better dating culture in our church communities.

Cheers,

Johnny Davis