Divorce is an epidemic in our twenty-first century culture.
I remember my children being in public school and realizing that most of their friends no longer had both sets of parents in the house. It blew me away.
Divorce was not a word in my vocabulary. When my marriage hit the rocks, I refused to sign the papers he wanted because I knew divorce was not the answer. When reality forced me to agree with the divorce and even to want it (because of his teen-aged girlfriend living with him),I knew I no longer lived in the world I wanted to live in. I had joined the club.
A few years earlier, my heart had fallen to my toes when I greeted him at the door with a smile, looked down, and saw books in his bag on how to do divorce well. Then and there, my world was never the same.
He wanted to be friends and have a friendly divorce. But to me, there was nothing friendly about divorce and betrayal.
That was almost three years ago and our divorce is just now being finalized.
I had to see the girl a few weeks ago, had to be in the same court room as my now ex-husband and I sat for trial over things we never should have needed to decide.
Then, it was over. I joined my friends for brunch, started crying, and couldn’t stop for a few days. Every ounce of strength I had gathered for the past three years flew out the window and I cried ugly in my father’s arms.
I’m a single woman. Not just a single woman, but a christian single woman intent on staying faithful to the God I know, intent on finding out more of His true heart for women, and determined to continue healing.
Many years ago when the first huge ugly in my marriage started rocking my inner world, God taught me that He not only came for the sin of this world, He also came for the pain of this world. I found Him in ways I had only heard of before.
I found Him greater, stronger, and more powerful than what was rocking my boat.
If Jesus Christ died to SAVE, that not only means my sins are forgiven; it also means that sins committed against me are forgiven and have no real power over me.
If Jesus Christ is the Giver of Life, that means nothing deadly on this passing earth can take eternal life out of me.
And if He cares for me as He says He does, that means the past three years of tears will be redeemed because He weeps with me, then offers life to me.
I can sink or swim. I happen to believe that we were not meant to go down in the storm, we were meant to ride the waves.
It sounds cliche`. The honest truth is that riding waves often looks like swimming in tears.
Let the tears roll. They will purify your soul and cleanse you from pain so you can be washed in life. Let them roll for three years, if need be.
Jesus weeps with you but He doesn’t merely commiserate with you; in the end, He liberates you.
I want to walk with you, not ahead of you or behind you, but beside you. I want us to be community and that means sharing the good, bad, and ugly for each other and with each other.
We are human and life is real.
But God is also God and He is eternally alive. He is Victor over all, through all, and in all. Allow Him to walk with you, then lead you.
Beauty for ashes may not mean your circumstance becomes beautiful, but it does mean your soul will merge into beauty in ways you’ve never known before.
Your pain has led you to glory because even though pain speaks, it cannot have the final say.
Friends, don’t be afraid of the thing you don’t know how to survive. Just make one good choice after another even when you don’t know which is the best one. Trust God to make up for your mistakes as you do the best you know and ask Him to lead you. I promise, He will.
My heart is healing from the inside out. I trust yours will, too. And in the process, I am here for you.
All is grace.
9 thoughts on “How I Found Wholeness in the Breaking of Divorce”
We have a lot in common, Sara. Bless you and yours as you wade through the messy. Divorce changed me. The ugly emotions at the beginning eventually softened me from self doubt to acceptance. My Christian feelings about divorce shifted and God whispered His peace and protection. I still struggle (45 years later) with the damage to my children. But never did i doubt Jesus walked beside me. His strength was mine as i did the best i could. I loved my kids harder and found myself again. Another lesson on empathy that helps me love those around me.
Thanks for sharing, Donna. I didn’t know you went through this, too.
your writings have such a deep impact on me every time you post a new one. Thank you for blessing us with your insight and wisdom. I cried so hard when I read ” riding waves often looks like swimming in tears.” I have felt like I am frozen underneath my tears before. Your story and perspective reminds me to be soft and be open to healing.
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Love you, girl. ❤️
My husband died 5 yrs ago this coming November. Grief is grief. Does that make any sense? I relate to much of what you say even though the source of my grief showed up dressed differently. My heart goes out to you and I feel happiness for you as you recognized that joy comes from the Lord. There are so many times I recognized that I wasn’t happy after Bob passed but I never lost the joy I carried for my Lord and Savior. It is well with my soul regardless of the grief I experience living this side of heaven. Blessings and love to you. I miss seeing your smiling face around Sequim 💞🙏
I miss seeing YOUR face, Mary Jane. You were always an inspiration to me because I knew your smiles didn’t come without cost. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you!
Soo true and very well said! God weeps with us – holds us close. Thankful you had both your daddy’s arms to be held by and cry into- they both care deeply! Then God says- “I’m not done with you yet and have soo many ways I want to care for and bless your family”. Yes, what a mighty God we serve!!
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Yes, and you were one of those ways, along with Gretta. I will always remember how you both helped. ❤️