Women of Purpose

“Would you do anything God asked you to do?” I asked a teen who happened to be at my house during Bible time.

He grinned, then joked, “I wouldn’t do anything like Abraham did because I’m not as crazy as he is.”

We all laughed, but I dared disagree with his youthful joke.

Go figure—the Father of faith obeyed when God told him to take his only son and sacrifice him on the altar. We know the full story, how God stopped him at the testing point and told him to offer a lamb, instead.

Abraham didn’t know how the end would turn out, yet he obeyed.

The entire universe grapples with God in a quest for his grace without his Lordship. Sometimes God asks hard things of us—really, really hard things—and it is entirely more convenient to do what seems fun, then beg God to help us when life gets rough.

But back to Abraham. He could only say yes to that order because He knew the character of God. Complete faith in Who God is led Abraham to complete obedience to God’s commands.

Cheap grace calls people to claim Christ verbally without a change of lifestyle. Non-Christians look on and see the mockery of it all. Satan himself looks on and laughs.

“You believe that God is one, you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?” (James 2:20, ESV)

Abraham understood that he could not claim God while refusing to obey God. The Father of faith had an understanding of real grace, that the Lord of the universe is interested in a relationship with us that changes us.

Truly walking with God means he is with you. He cannot be with you without affecting you in every possible way. You can believe He exists and claim that as your salvation, but scripture teaches that demons do the same thing.

Your kind of faith has to be an intimate relationship with His presence rather than head knowledge of His existence. The Presence changes everything.

This is not some die hard, works based religion. Never! Religion suffocates a soul, and good works will never redeem your soul. But a relationship based on trust so sweet, personal, and deep that it will permeate your soul and cause it to change because that’s the only thing the presence of Christ can do—this is the faith God is looking for.

Like a caterpillar resting in its chrysalis, your soul will merge into sanctification when it knows the presence of Jesus Christ. In Christ, you can both rest and grow. It seems contradictory, but Kingdom ways are often opposed to human reasoning.

Nothing else will ever do Christ the credit He deserves. How could we think it possible for someone to know Him without being changed by Him?

Obedience can only happen when we see that God’s no always leads to His better yes. The character of God is all goodness; therefore, He can only ask good of us.

Abraham knew, as he trudged the mountain side with his only son, that God was all goodness. Though told to offer Isaac, Abraham told Isaac that God would provide a lamb for the offering. Abraham’s faith simply knew that all would turn out well.

Still, God tested him to the point of a drawn blade raised over his son’s heart. Abraham was still pushing through in obedience when the Spirit of God said, “Enough.”

In your situation, God knows exactly when to say, “Enough.” You can trust Him to come through with a better yes.

God was not depriving Abraham of his only son; He was inviting him to be the father of many nations through faith.

See this again—God’s no is never deprivation, but always an invitation to a better yes.

“Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness, and he was called a friend of God.” (James 2: 23, ESV)

Most people naturally shy away from pain and gravitate towards happiness.

No baby is born into this world asking for grief. What child doesn’t hope for the best and happiest life? And what little girl doesn’t long for Cinderella’s glass slippers leading her to the Prince of her future?

We watch Hallmark movies because we long for relationship.

We eat chocolate because our taste buds crave tasty.

We like hanging out with kind people because our hearts were designed to receive love.

We were created in the image of God with a high capacity for the things of God. Love, joy, and peace are meant to be central to our lives and when the opposite hits hard, we cringe.

Some fight, some take flight. Which one are you?

I have to admit that most of the time, I’m in the flight category. People who love to argue will be frustrated with me because I hate fighting and often walk away if I feel one pending. Those who love to control every detail of life might be dumbfounded that I simply don’t care about getting my way in every single thing.

I’d rather have peace than have it my way. This can be good but it can also be dangerous, and in the life I’ve had to live, I’ve learned to pick up my sword and wield it carefully when needed.

Whether you naturally attack the grief/pain in your life with anger and lashing back to fight for what you crave, or whether you run into internal oblivion too afraid to move, our negative responses to pain show that we were created for something better.

A human created in the image of God for the glory of God is of necessity born with the need to receive things that line up with the heart of God.

A baby develops better when held and snuggled lots.

By nature, women respond to love and tenderness.

Men naturally gravitate toward those who call out the manhood in them.

But the question remains: How to respond when we get the opposite of what we were created for?

I know what it’s like to put reality to the back of my mind so I could try to function in the reality I wished I had.

I know what it’s like for something so troubling to happen that the only way forward was to go into denial.

I know what it’s like to reach out for help, but feel false quilt while doing so.

See this—hitting denial mode on pain only prolongs the effects of it. Like a poisonous labyrinth, denial mode causes the branches of pain to spread. When you shut up something that exists in an effort to create something that doesn’t exist, you shoot ugly streams of poison into many areas of your life.

Many times the church is great at spiritualizing pain by calling people to “rise above it” and “find peace”. It often pushes people into denial and a false sense “happiness” which can cause unreleased emotions to surface many years later.

Christian friends, you don’t need to tack God onto every explanation of your feelings. “This is hard but God is with me” while tacking on a (fake) brave smile.

How about honestly saying, “This is so hard I don’t have energy for anything but just to make it through. Thanks for being here for me.”

And for those who use the flight mechanism, consider that staying quiet so you don’t ruin someone’s reputation can cause your own soul so much unrest that your life becomes marked with internal anxiety and depression. Please know that God cares more about your healing than He does about anyone’s reputation.

Reach out to others for help and council even if (and especially when), the one hurting you doesn’t want to be exposed. The latter fact alone should cause you to run for help. You are not meant to walk alone.

The only way to handle grief is to face it head on. Whether this is the death of a loved one or the knowledge of a cheating spouse, owning up to your painful reality will help you navigate it in the best possible way.

This will look differently for different people because there is no stream-lined way through grief and there is no certain finish line.

Say it to yourself, “My spouse cheated on me and I feel like I’m going to DIE.”

Or, “My brother passed away and I feel like I’m not going to survive unless we find his body in the lake.”

Give yourself permission to grieve. If you need to crawl into bed for the day, just get right in there and pull the covers up over your face.

If you need a movie to distract your mind, watch your favorite show for awhile.

And if chocolate comforts you, eat away at it and chuck that raw broccoli for a few days.

If you’re too tired to pray, simply know that at that very moment the Spirit Himself is praying to the Father for you. You are not forgotten by an all-knowing God simply because you have no words to utter. Know this—the throne room specializes with needs too great for you to handle.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26&27, ESV)

By allowing yourself to consume your grief, you will rise above it before it consumes you. Sooner or later God will reach down and begin to walk you toward healing. Bit by bit, if you know and love Jesus Christ, you will see the sun shine again.

“The Son of Man will rise with healing in His wings.”

The most exquisite glories of the mountain top can only be experienced if you first walk the valley of grief.

Denial mode takes you to an alternate route into a barren dessert where you function as a robot because you never embraced your humanity.

Jesus wept first, then he rose Lazarus from the dead.

Supernatural strength is most realized by those who face catastrophic dilemmas beyond their control.

Today, if you’re faced with a trial too great to handle, look up into the face of Jesus as you walk the valley of pain. Ask Jesus to go with you, and He will. Every step of the way, He will comfort your soul as you whisper to Him of your need.

Your soul is not meant to have sadness as a permanent companion. But that’s a story to write for another time—for now, embrace your pain with the end goal of being delivered from the grip of it.

In 2020, hope is still rising for every soul!

All is grace.

Love from my bone marrow into yours,

Sara

I stepped into the bathroom and looked around, appreciating the faux paint splashed onto formerly jagged up walls.

“Thank you, Jesus,” I whispered for the hundredth time.  

It had been a season of blessing. I looked around and wondered at all of it, because I remembered difficult seasons behind those years. My brother drowned, I needed to brave it and get counseling, and daily life was nothing short of challenging. I still had no idea when or if my dreams of publishing a book would materialize, and we lived in a crowded, one bathroom home with seven people.  

God was faithful in those years. But they were hard.

Later, we were unexpectedly able to purchase a three bath, six bedroom home, and my first book was listed on Amazon. The perfect jobs came my way so I was able not only to move in, but also decorate that home.

I kept walking into my office, remembering the years I didn’t even own a desk. I remember carrying my laptop through the house for a quiet spot on the bed, then wondering where to place it when I was done.

I kept doing my make up at my extra sink and mirror outside the third bathroom, remembering rushing through the process in one bathroom while a million people knocked on the door in desperation. Or I’d let them in and two or three of us would crowd the sink.

I stepped into the large walk-in closet and remember having so little storage I would carry things into the crawl space under the house where rat droppings and dirt would cover everything.

Then, I looked around and said it over and over again. “Thank you, Jesus.”

He whispers back to my heart, “You were faithful to do small things.”

Small things. Aren’t our days as mothers made up of small things?

My entire summer was made up of small things, and I’d feel a bit let down when I couldn’t walk to my laptop and type out a lovely puzzle of words creating a picture for the soul.

I’d feel a bit cheap, like I didn’t care enough for some things and cared too much for other things.

But God whispers to my heart, “These walls are painted and this home is lovely because you were faithful in doing the small. The book is available because you typed out those words when you didn’t know what they’d become.”

I’m telling myself, “Soul, the answers you found came because you were willing not only to do the small, but to feel small.”

Ah, yes.

For the soul to feel small is for the soul to know how big God is. And when you scurry down a sidewalk toward a building, hoping no one sees you because the sign outside says “Counseling”, you feel about as small as an atom—and at that moment you wish you were, because then no one would see.

So, hey, sister-soul. That hard place you’re in, when you shed more tears than crack smiles? Did you know that if you walk through it faithfully, there’s a glory-something at the other side?

Those years you spend in a crowded house, wishing you could afford something larger, those things you drop to your knees over, the tunnel you can’t see light in, and the disaster that just occurred that takes your breath away………did you know that all you need to do is follow God with a great, big yes, and He simply does the rest.

You can rest, because He does the rest.

Just be faithful. Just do the small things. Just know that moments themselves lead us right to eternity, because God is a never-ending God Who doesn’t stop leading us into all things good, and He’ll lead you straight to the throne room when He sees you on your knees in the prayer room.

He’ll lead you from your small moments to an everlasting eternity with no end, where there are no moments in time.

He’ll lead you, soul. He’s faithful when you feel nothing else is.

He’s lovely when nothing seems beautiful.

He’s in charge when you can’t see Him leading.

The meaning of a season is that it’s a passing time. We may be in a season of no’s, but we must still follow God with a yes.

Whether you’re in a no season or a yes season, simply choose to be faithful.

Simply worship God.  

I cried the day I made my rounds to elementary, middle, and high schools to enroll my four children.

I was the home school mom who taught her babies how to read at young ages by creating words with wooden alphabet blocks. Often at two years old, I’d be on the floor placing blocks before my toddler and teaching him what it said. It was fun for both of us!

My oldest child started first grade at age four because she was brilliant. The next child was brilliant but didn’t like school, and it was work to get him through it each day. I was thrown into the mess of it all—but I loved it.

Then, my world changed from top to bottom. Out of necessity, I went to work. I knew I couldn’t work and do a good job with home school.  I needed to trust God and do what I needed to do–I would have to send my children to public school. 

Each morning as I put my little boy on the bus at 6:35 am (in NC that’s what happens!), I wondered what under heaven had happened to my home school table.

Each time my girls told me of another crummy boy with gross language and attitudes, I wondered why there wasn’t a better option for Christian moms who were unable to home school. 

But, I was in the thick of learning trust.

Mothers, when we’re in circumstances we can’t change, the best thing to do is put our chins up and trust that heaven is on our side as we wage war with hell. (Many of the pressures in public school are just that—pushes for teenagers to engage in things that could turn their world right over.)

Still, we have to trust. God is on our side as we faithfully choose Him no matter where our children go to school.

I was slowly learning to trust my Master more than any method. There, He showed Himself strong.

This year, Covid-19 is in all its glory as I watch with bated breath to see what public schools have to offer their students. It didn’t take long to get the email with plan B being the best for my children.

But plan B offers them only one day of face to face interaction, only one day in school, and the rest of the week at home doing online classes.

I was getting that pit-in-my-stomach feeling as I realized how difficult our year would be. My business is growing and I realized that many a morning would find four children alone navigating each other–and classes–while I was gone to work.

It didn’t seem like something I could ask of my children, but I had no better option. The drastic change of not being able to be there for my children 24/7 hit me even harder, but I tried to trust what God was continually teaching me over the past few years as a single mother. I had to trust that He would fill in the gaps and we’d all learn things during a difficult school year.

I had to trust my Master more than my method. Only in this way would I keep peace and be able to offer my children the best of mothering under the circumstances we were in.

Still, my heart was fearful and I sunk into weariness, rather waiting for a school year disaster.

Then, as I sat under a sermon at our new church (I’m so grateful for Joy Church), God spoke to me. “Sara, trust Me for good things for your children.”

Realizing my  state of distrust and fear, I said yes to God. I would choose to trust Him before I saw how things would play out. I would trust Him to do what I could not do. I would trust Him to show Himself to my children.

A few nights later I had a dream so vivid that I woke up, jolted into a deep awareness that I had to do something. A few hours later I knew I needed to do my best to get my children into private school where they could be mentored and taught each day even when I was at work.

Sometimes you can’t move until God lets you know that you know that you know that you heard Him speak.

It felt crazy, but I began phone calls immediately. My heart was filled with peace and assurance that I was in line with God’s heart. True to His nature, God worked everything out from paper work to finances to uniforms (yes, they have to wear uniforms, haha), and my four beautiful children are now enrolled in a private academy five days a week.

What’s more, my Junior can take college classes to get a jump start on her associates degree. Not only that, transportation to and from college is free.

My eighth grader gets to do Cross Country and make new friends on the team. This same child also had an unexpected—and amazing—counselor suddenly come on the scene.

My ninth grader gets to do the same curriculum he had just told me he’d rather do and would do so much better at than online school.

My little boy gets to attend the same school his little fishing buddies attend.

And this mama is filled with faith in a good God Who always shows up in many ways  when we’re facing things we didn’t expect.

I trust my Master more than any method. I trust Him when the method seems faulty but is the only way in sight. And when the method seems better, I still want to trust Him most. 

I will probably never home school again, and next year may have them back in public school. But from home school, to public school, to private school, and who knows what next year, I’m learning to lean into Jesus more than I lean into anything else.

Where you send your child is not as important as the spirit you show your child in your daily life with him. If you insist on home school when circumstances are not right for it, you may do more damage than if you trust God and send him to public school.

May each of us mothers trust Him fully whether our circumstances are difficult or easy. And may all of us know Grace that is truly greater than the sins of the whole world.

He’s looking over the earth to see whose heart is with Him so He can show Himself strong. 

May we posture ourselves in position for His blessing (whatever that looks like), and receive His word gratefully. 

From my heart to yours,

Sara

The dear girl sits at my kitchen table, and her lower lip trembles.

She’s letting it all out, this frustration of performance for many years in order to gain or keep approval and love—and how it didn’t work, and she got less than she deserved.

The tears won’t stop, and they pour hot and long. And I say it as firmly to her as I’ve said it to myself, “You are not loved because you dress well, accomplish a lot, or because you love your kids. You can just be who you are—and be valued, treasured, and worth a lot.”

She sits, silent, absorbing the words. For someone who’s worked her entire life—worked for God, parents, husband, and kids—with little thought or focus on her own ease—these words are a gold mine.

She’s not a selfish person; she’s a giver. And she needs to hear it—her worth is not based on what she does or how little mistakes she can make.

Mothers, when you raise your kids with criticism for each little failure you have a recipe for a hard working performer who may crash after many years of striving.

Raise your children in an atmosphere of emotional safety and unconditional love.

Our value is based on the Son of God and His thoughts of us. It is based on the fact that we were created in His image and He wanted us. Hear this—you can work your entire life to gain approval without ever knowing how much you were approved before you ever did a thing.

Outward actions do matter, but they must be a fruit of the heart being in an approved place with God rather than the striving of a heart trying to get to an approved place with God and man.

At birth, when you laid on your mama’s tummy with wet, sticky skin, do you think you were less loved and approved of? You had done nothing, but taken a lot—and you were loved and adored as much as you will probably ever be. You were sticky, icky, squalling, and couldn’t even smile.

How then, soul, do you think that, many years later, you have to perform for love? That you need to prove yourself needless and perfect? That you crash when others see faults in you?

You were a human being long before you were a human doer.

When we know how much we’re already loved by God, we enter rest. In this rest, we show love best to those around us. We want to shed the sweat pants, get up, and serve others. We truly desire to give, and give well. We sacrifice.

All of it becomes a circle of love rather than a striving for love. Circles go round and round with no end of exhaustion, because you receive love as you give out love.

If your lips are trembling today, remember who you were when you were born, and how much you were loved and adored by God—and most likely, by everyone in the room who laid eyes on your wet, sticky, helpless little body.

You are the same human being today, and have the same value today. Jesus Christ died for YOU.

Remember to be in a state of love before you try to give out love. If we can learn this ourselves and teach it to our children, we will have accomplished much.

I had asked the question a million times, “What is forgiveness?” 

Then, I’d asked another question, “Is it okay to be angry?”

My circumstances forced me out of the usual “don’t ever be angry” stance I tried to live by. Suddenly, life was so raw that I took a good look at Jesus’ feelings when He tipped over money tables and ordered the vendors out of His temple. (Matthew 21:12-13)

I pondered the fact that Jesus called mercy and truth to meet up, and righteousness and peace to unite. He wasn’t asking for mercy and peace only, but wanted it to unite with equal doses of righteousness and truth.

Seeing God’s mercy as it really is allows for nothing else. God is not only mercy; He is also truth. In fact, truth is merciful and mercy is truthful. In Christ, they cannot be separated. 

God’s incredible mercy doesn’t blithely pass over murder, rape, abuse, or any other wrong we see in this world. And in all honesty, those who say “don’t judge” the most are often those who ask for judgement most when an offense happens to them. 

God’s love doesn’t accept all things; it changes all things. 

There are certain things love just doesn’t do. Those who are full of true love speak out against things that don’t line up with love.

The mantra “don’t judge and accept everyone” is very quickly used by quilty parties to project their own quilt onto those who dare speak up against wrong. This is such a far cry from what Jesus meant when He asked us not to judge each other that there is no comparison between the two.

Divine Love cannot “accept and not judge” things that hurt and harm the people He loved and died for. Love can only accept things that line up to the heart of God.

God is love and He gets to interpret the meaning of it.

I’ll never forget the day I was driving in my car while my little boy asked a million questions on life and God, when it suddenly all came together in my heart.

Forgiveness meant seeing God’s heart for the offender. In my situation, it also meant not being in denial, but saying yes when two sets of investigators asked to talk.

Then, it meant releasing the offender into the hands of God and those in charge while I walked free, having given it over after doing my part.

I’d met plenty of women who interpreted forgiveness as denial. After many years of pushing things to some back corner of their mind, they were still crying and trying to “forgive”.

I’d also met women who couldn’t stop talking about what happened to them and seemed bent on bringing justice while the offense was strewn around like some candy dangling in everyone’s eyes.

I wanted neither. How could mercy and truth meet up like Jesus talked about?

Sisters, the truth sets us free. The truth of everything, all the time, in all situations leads us to God’s solution for everything, all the time, in all circumstances.

Embracing the truth of hard things allows us to move from the hard into better things.

How can you find internal release from something you haven’t owned up to or dealt with? Denial cages your soul while truth brings you to freedom. Trust me, I know.

God’s remedy for women is never silent, voiceless suffering. It is always truth, help, and solutions.

My soul found an incredible release from my situation as I placed the outcome of all things into the hand of a God who cared for me and my children more than I can comprehend. I watched Him move, and hear me carefully on this—because I had done my part, I was able to let it go in complete trust.

When our soul finds absolute rest in the outcome of our circumstance, we know forgiveness has found its place.

Forgiveness is not denial; it is rest.

Forgiveness doesn’t accept all things; it leads us to release all things.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean shutting up when you need to speak up; it does mean speaking with grace and truth regardless of your circumstance.

In short, forgiveness is internally breaking free from your situation after you’ve walked through it, honestly dealt with it, then have put it behind you and moved on to better things. 

Rather than become bitter, you become better. 

You can think of the circumstance without being taken over by it. You can release both the offender and the offense to God while you reach out to good people, good things, and trust God to meet your needs as you put Him first in your life.

You are defined not by what happened to you, but by what you make of it.

Whatever you don’t let go of still holds you captive. But, whatever thing someone meant to hurt you with is undone when you release it and learn from it, instead. As Corrie Ten Boom says, “There is no pit so deep where God’s love isn’t deeper.

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself and an act of worship to God.

Fly free!