“They say women don’t need men anymore,” my fourteen year old son told me on the way to school.
“Who says that?” I asked. “Because your mom and sisters certainly don’t believe that.
The look on his face made me want to cry. Fourteen year old boys are already facing identity questions. Who am I, and where do I belong? Who needs me?
And yesterday as he helped his sister move, I could see his shoulders square up. He literally saved the day along with another young man who brought a truck to help with a heavy mattress.
My daughter and I had no problem needing men yesterday and I was so proud of her as she expressed respect and appreciation for the men’s strength and help. Ironically, the two young men lit up doing exactly what she needed.
Biological design lines up with Biblical order, because the God of the Bible created biological design. Fascinating, life giving, encouraging and affirming of both genders–we simply cannot improve this.
God designed good men to want to care for and protect women. And I want to say to all women, even to those who’ve been hurt by a man, that women need good men.
We had a talk there in the car, my boy and I. Femininity and masculinity are both under attack in our culture, and I want my children to know deeply the calling God has on their lives.
My son is the first to open my door when we go out. I trained him for this, on purpose, by standing to the side of the door until he got there. And the other day when I asked him what the newest thing was that he learned on his phone, he said, “How to be a good husband someday.”
Yesterday as I spoke with another woman struggling with betrayal, I spoke to her of womanhood, how even us single ladies can inspire the world with feminine manners that call out the best in people around us.
We don’t need a husband to do this, though we wish for one. We can still embody what we’ve always wanted to be. We can refuse the attitude of “I don’t need a man” and instead hold on to gratefulness for the good men in the world.
We can still be fully woman and fully alive.
And here’s the thing—ladies, you don’t need a perfect man in order to be a grace-filled woman. If he provides for you, is faithful to you, and seeks to love you, be grateful every day. Look for the ways he’s showing love even if it’s different than what you want. And if you need him to show love another way, ask him for that specifically. But please don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder if you have a truly good, but imperfect, husband.
Tell him you appreciate him, often.
Notice his good qualities and speak them out loud.
Let him come home to peace—and remember, peace is a gift for your children, too.
Look him in the eyes and smile. Like, truly meet his eye with a smile.
When he comes home after a long day of labor, let him rest. If you’re a stay at home mom, please don’t nag at him to fold laundry unless you truly need help because of babies, etc.
If you’re a working mom, let him know you need his support when you both get home.
Be specific and gracious in your requests. Men want to be asked for a need they can meet rather than be nagged for a need they didn’t meet, because they were never asked.
I’m here to call out gratefulness for the faithful man.
This man may not be as romantic as you want him to be. He may not know any of your favorite therapy phrases or personality tests or attachment styles. He may kick off his boots inside your door and drape his coat over your dining room chair.
He may love God but not be the best teacher of each chapter in scripture.
I’m calling women to stop the comparison game and stare down the blessing of a man who loves you for life. Some of you are blessed to have all your bills paid without having to worry about it. Others of you are working alongside your husband to meet financial needs in a cost-hijacked world. Either way, your husband wants to know he’s your support and at the end of the day, you need him.
He wants to know you’re grateful.
He needs to know you admire him.
If that gives you struggle, I want to remind us ladies that admiration to a man is what love is to a woman. Today’s world embraces women who ask for love while it scorns men who need to be admired and respected. Yet, one is as good as the other because both are God-designed.
I defy divorce culture in the name of Jesus because I see a better way, a way that creates heaven-sent love into the hearts of our children and each other. I know it takes two, and one cannot do it alone—but one can always find their identity in Christ, obey His word, and leave the outcome to Jesus Who doesn’t force change on anyone.
Remember that if you follow Jesus in how you treat your spouse, change in your spouse is not guaranteed—but here’s the thing: obeying God will change YOU. And a love relationship with Jesus is worth having whether or not our spouse gives us the relationship we long for.
I speak this over you as a woman who tried (too hard) to save her marriage, and it broke anyway. God’s call for me as a woman always has been to carry myself with honor and dignity. It’s a “Yes, Lord” love relationship with Jesus that isn’t based on what I get or don’t get.
And I want you to know, married friends, that you can carry yourself with honor and joy with an imperfect husband. Be joyful, be grateful, address needs clearly, get your head out of the sand, and live free.
The Ancient of Days always has had, and always will have, ancient ways. Those ways aren’t feeling based; they are truth based–and they truly work for good.
Whoever dares plant their feet on the Rock of Ages will truly stand on something solid where the gift of God remains undeniably life giving, life changing, and life altering.
Today, look at your imperfect husband and speak it to him, “I appreciate you so much for—.”
Men need to be needed. And I will say to any woman, “Men ARE needed.”
The bulk of military is …..men.
Most hunters are……men.
Most construction workers…….men.
Strongest and tallest………..men.
Fastest to protect……..men.
And you want a baby? Well, I hate to break it to you but you need a…….man.
Tell him you appreciate him, today and often in the days to come.
In a world of dishonor, remember that your crowning glory as a woman is to honor those around you, and especially your husband.
Never let the world rob you of the dignity of womanhood. Because if we do, we lose the ability to encourage true manhood.
A sisterhood is truly thriving if it sees the value of brotherhood. And to all the ladies out there, if you meet my boys, please treat them like gentlemen who are needed in the world, with God given attributes different than your own because women do not have it all.
Together, as we celebrate both masculinity and femininity, we have what we need.
Love,
Sara
Women of Purpose 