Finding Life After Divorce (or any other crisis)

It’s odd how some of the most tear-filled experiences of life also bring the most joy-filled freedom of the soul.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)

What is our reaction to a particularly difficult day?

Rather than think, “Why can’t I be stronger?”, just let yourself have a bad day. Stay in your bed for a morning and let yourself cry it out. This seems counter-intuitive, but by entering your grief you’ll be able to let go of it in time.

The secret is to not stay there alone. There’s a big difference in wallowing by ourselves, or entering with Jesus.

Rather than trying so hard to come out of our grief, we need to focus on bringing Jesus into our grief. Only in this way can we truly move forward.

Another clique quote I dislike is that “Time heals”. The truth is, many people get worse as time goes along. Many never overcome grief and the bitterness over what was lost. Only those who bring Christ into their grief can see a blessing in it, walk out of it, and overcome it with time.

Jesus entered grief. Yes, He asked God for a way out, He sweated stress-drops of blood, and He wanted a different way. God said “No” to His own Son so that our redemption could be purchased.

See this–begging God to change your circumstance is being like Jesus. He begged God, too. But when He knew there was no way out, He radically accepted the cross.

“For it was fitting that He, for whom all things exist and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the Founder of their salvation perfect through suffering.”

(Hebrews 2:10, ESV)

I had to radically accept my divorce before I could navigate my way out of it and build a new life with courage.

Humans were born for love, but sin brought otherwise into the world. And because of this, we are no longer perfect in a blissful, suffering-free world. How we wish Eve had never taken the apple—and yet, we do the same, saying yes to the old serpent when he causes us to doubt the goodness of God.

Satan asks us to consider that God might not really mean what He says, or that God is depriving us. And yet, the truth is, when God says no, He is inviting us rather than depriving us.

God knows what we don’t always know–that our earth-saturated souls do not always feel the need to be satiated with God. But when earthly happiness disappears, our hearts become sponges for heaven-sent joy.

You will see the difference when your soul shifts from dependence on faulty, earthly people to utter dependence on a perfect, heavenly God.

When God says no, He’s actually saying yes to something better. Even if your circumstances don’t change, I can assure you He will do even better things in your soul.

Jesus wasn’t afraid to enter suffering when Mary and Martha told him Lazarus had died. He came, He wept—then, He prayed. See this—He willingly experienced human grief by choosing to enter it even as He knew God would overcome it.

First, He stood and wept. Then, He asked God for life. This is what we need to do—fully enter our grief so we can fully open the door to grace.

Loneliness is one of the emotions God wants to enter. Rather than shut down or medicate, we fully acknowledge to the Lord that we’re lonely, then invite Him into that space with us. Then, let Him lead us to people, places, and things to do.

When we invite Him into our negative emotions, we grow better. When we deny or suppress them, we grow stagnant or depressed.

No one wants to feel dead when they’re breathing. When we suppress our grief, we also suppress our growth.

Jesus wants to come INTO our grief so He can bring us OUT. As He wept over Lazarus, He prayed over death, then overcame death. Lazarus walked out of death because Jesus looked to LIFE in the face of death.

Discomfort and sorrow is one of the tools God uses to bring us to His comfort and joy. Like an oxymoron, sorrow seems diametrically opposed to joy—and yet, when we bring Jesus into our suffering, we bring victory in spite of the suffering.

The process of this becomes an open door for greater freedom than those who had never suffered at all.

Consider with me the power that comes from overcoming something that would have destroyed you. Are you not better, stronger, more able and equipped than if you had never needed to overcome?

We crave ease, and yet, no soldier is born through ease.

We crave good treatment from others, and yet, we learn forgiveness.

Rather than run from suffering by entering emotional or mental denial, we need to enter our suffering with radical acceptance of what is, so that Jesus can move us forward into what will be.

Jesus entered death so He could destroy death. If He had run from death, He never would have conquered it. Not only did He destroy death, He destroyed Him who had the power of death, then put on a stunning display of LIFE in a tomb for death as He sat up in his grave and walked straight out.

I’m smiling as I picture darkness cringe in the face of such Light! And sisters—how Jesus struggled to accept the burden of sin and pain He’d have to carry in order to show the world what RISEN looks like?!

Jesus had to enter the tomb so He could rise from the tomb.

“Since therefor the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death He might destroy the one who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.” (Hebrews 2:14a & 15, ESV)

Sister, don’t be afraid of your suffering. Enter it with Jesus and you will walk out of it with Jesus. Whether your circumstances change or not, your soul will walk right out of the effects of those circumstances.

As Jesus walked out of the tomb in a magnificent display of LIFE, so you will walk out of your grief representing this Jesus Who brings life, healing, wholeness in the face of death.

You may not be able to escape your circumstances, but you can definitely escape the damage Satan tried to inflict on your soul. And because your soul is eternal, and the greatest gift in life is autonomy with God, the suffering you used to run from can now be entered with peace.

The suffering you no longer fear can now be used to spit into hell just a little (or a whole lot), as you walk with the God of all grace.

Sending love and virtual hugs,


Author: Sara Daigle

Author, speaker, and mother of four beautiful kids. Passionate about wholeness, healing, purpose, and identity for all women regardless of culture, background, or circumstance.

2 thoughts on “Finding Life After Divorce (or any other crisis)”

  1. This topic has been on my mind at various points over the years, especially as I’ve learned more and more about how important it is to really feel our emotions and name them AND invite Jesus into them. It’s an ongoing practice because I would still rather busy myself than sit with the grief. I was so interested to study Jesus’ invitation to the disciples when he invited them to “come away to a desolate place”. All these years I thought it was a place to be alone… and yes that’s part of it… but when I studied the word desolate and similar words used in that invitation, I found that it meant so much more than I thought it did!


    1. Yes! It’s a whole new way of dealing with grief, and so much more productive. Denying grief also dulls our joy. We go numb in both when we go numb in one, and our souls were made to be fully alive.


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