“Are you just chilling at home?” she asked.
“There’s a lot I need to do today, but I’m still in bed,” I responded truthfully even though I knew she was already headed out the door for a long day’s work.
My mom can know everything about me and think nothing less of me, for some odd reason. She’s one of my best friends and I guess we both love and like each other.
Covid-19 is still on the rise while the morale of many is on the low. I’ve written pages of inspiration, sorted my little boy’s legos, almost completely caught up on paper work, and gotten my children started with on-line school. I’m working out with my girls for the first time in awhile………….Next?
You can only laugh for so long over quarantine comedy until you feel like you may need a quarantine dirge. I’ve laughed so hard for so long over one single video that my daughter looked at me yesterday and said, “Mom, you need a social life again.”
It’s Monday morning—and nothing has changed. What’s more, rain is pouring down on the roof while the sun has disappeared along with all semblance of normalcy.
I’m not sure what normal is anymore. For the last two years, my life has twisted, turned, tipped, and tobbled over in the most hell-ish fashion and it’s taken every ounce of heavenly grace to make it through to the other side.
My daughter looks at me. “Mom, it’s so weird that coronvirus hit right when so many other things in our lives are happening.”
I agree. It’s so, so weird. How much more could possibly happen in two years?
I decide to make the most of today by lighting candles, baking a french toast casserole for breakfast, and turning on my favorite worship music while I kneel in front of the screen with my Bible.
My daughter joins me and I stroke her head while the words continue over, over, and over.
“By Your Spirit I will rise from the ashes of defeat.
The resurrected King is resurrecting me.
In your name I come alive to declare your victory;
The resurrected King is resurrecting me.” (Elevation)
Truth be told, God is as good today as he was yesterday. I stare at mountains rolling by on the screen and realize this: God is every bit as much with me here as he was when I’d hike upward five miles and spend hours gazing at immovable majesty.
Or when I slept at the top and woke to a shimmering lake nestled in those snowy peaks. Crazy, wild beauty.
Mountains are steady.
They’re always there.
They carry strength incomprehensible to our small human beings.
I love mountains and haven’t found them close enough to my new home to get to, yet. But God is as real, strong, and steady in my housing development as He is on the mountain side.
I just need to tap into HIM.
Sometimes we look for external indicators of internal reality, when God is saying “I am always here.”
It doesn’t take mountains, people, or things to create the love of God. Love always is, no matter what, because God always IS.
We don’t really create love, joy, peace—God has already created it and we merely maintain it or disrupt it. God is a steady, never ending, faithful presence—always available, always there, always full of grace and truth.
We look for outward expressions of love when there’s an eternal Lover of our souls Who far exceeds any human love we could have. For heaven’s sake, we even seek love in the form of media ‘likes’.
A thousand people hitting ‘like’ on your Instagram page can’t compare to one God scribing eternal LOVE all over your life, every day, no matter what.
During this time He says to you, to me: “Behold, I have graven you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.” (Isaiah 49:16, ESV)
He also says in 2 Chronicles 16:9 “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him.” (ESV)
You may be rushing to work this morning—or, like me, savoring this time when you can slowly drink coffee and listen to worship music with your child. Either way, no matter what, remember that Jesus Christ is unchanging—and He’s watching out for you with strong support and love deeper than you love your own children.
6 thoughts on “Loved or Liked?”
I wrote a post last year about how much I learned about finding my true identity through not feeling seen or valued, it turned out that the Lord allowed it all to happen so I could have the opportunity to press into him. If you’d have told me 7 years ago that I would be grateful for my divorce, I’d looked at you like you were crazy. But now I could not be more grateful for my divorce and every other season of life that has completely unraveled me… I’ve always unraveled into pure Love, discovering that I’m still held there where nothing can separate me from it, releasing my victim stories into the Light that is ALWAYS working all things together for my good. Gosh. And the longer I live, the less I realize that I know. 😉 Which has been humbling me in the only way that undeserved grace can.
I love your journey of growth, Meg. Thanks for being vulnerable and honest enough to share it with others.
Oh Sara, I love this post. You write clear, Truthfully, gracefully and with such strength. I am so Proud of you and thankful for your writings-♡
Thank you, Kristi. ❤
Hugs and prayers for you, Sara. You’re experiencing a lot of transitions, which touches a tender spot in my heart. ❤️ I am a mountain girl too, and have grieved my former (northeastern and tropical) homes… but I have found some beauties here in NC that I would love to share with you!
I’d love to go with you to find them, Naomi! I’ve been discovering local beauty. NC is truly a beautiful state.